We made it!

I wanted to share just a few thoughts to express how incredibly thankful that today, my hubby and I celebrate 12 years as husband and wife. I must admit that there were many times during those years that I wondered if we would make it. Often in our marriage, I wondered if we would join the very unfortunate statistics of divorce within the church. Neither of us, ever had biblical reason for divorce..... Apathy, self-reliance and selfishness are choices, yet for many years we had a marriage that could be labeled "Failure to Thrive". Reason being might be summed up in a inability to accept and apply these WISE quotes.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Robert Quillen

I don't believe couples fall out of love - they fall out of repentance.
Gary Thomas

Forgiveness is the only way to break the cycle of blame--and pain--in a relationship...It does not settle all questions of blame and justice and fairness...But it does allow relationships to start over. In that way, said Solzhenitsyn, we differ from all animals. It is not our capacity to think that makes us different, but our capacity to repent, and to forgive.
Philip Yancey

Looking back on those years of wasted co-existence, I realized one rather disheartening fact:
During those years of 'doing time' in my marriage, Satan spent more time/effort trying to sabatoge my marriage than I spent fighting for it and investing in it.

When it came down to the "Last stand" so to speak, we made an appointment to see our pastor. As we went on to explained how both of us are tired of being hurt, both fed up with the other, each pointing fingers, spewing hurtful words and proclaiming in all the ugliness of pride and unforgiveness "I do not deserve THIS!" Our pastor stopped us short and without us even realizing at the time, shared with us the secret to a happy marriage. While the dream of a happy marriage died alongside our ability to forgive quite a while back, here was someone sitting in front of us that was not going to allow Satan to steal kill and destroy one more marriage. Someone willing to fight harder for our marriage's weakened and thready pulse, that either of us were. He did so by simply asking one very LOADED question.
"Given the fact that ALL you have been entrusted with is because of God and the very fact that you are breathing right now, is a result of God sending His son to die on a cross for you, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DESERVE?"
Both of us, with heads hanging low and eyes fixed on the floor in shame, answered much like a child..... "Nu-thing"
It didn't end there though..... further explaination chewing-out was necessary to turn our shame & self-sorrow into God-centered repentance.
"The penalty for sin is death and both of you are deciding to live in sin due to a lack of repentance! What you deserve is death, so everything on top of DEATH is a cake walk....... a gift from the Lord. In order for a person to really LIVE, the flesh MUST die. Stay where you are in your stench of pride, self-will and arrogance and this will be the legacy of your failed marriage that you will pass on to your children..... OR you can make a choice today to crucify your flesh and breath NEW life into your marriage!"

The proof that you love someone is not that you have warm affectionate feelings toward them. The proof is in your actions, your words and your sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return.
Katherine Walden

Praise God for people who have the courage to hiold you accountable to God's word! For people who will fight fervently & prayerfully on your behalf when you are too foolish to do so yourself! So thus began a new chapter in our marriage. No more co-existing together but clinging to each other while choosing death so that we may grow and have an abundant marriage. While we are in no way perfect, our relationship only grows deeper and gets better with time. When we both have our eyes fixed on the Lord, everything else falls into place! We are learning together, year after year, how to better die as individuals.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
Peter Devries

Many of you who know my hubby can laugh at this as he is quite the character. I thought he was a one of a kind till I met Sarah. Now that I see Sarah's 'twin' (Abby) develop more of his personality, I am almost out-numbered! So glad that the Lord is able to use characters like us to point others to the Lord.

Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.
Matthew Henry

This last quote is very poinant to me. John has never been an overbearing man even though he married a fairly head strong woman. Once God allowed me to see the protection provided me through submission, it is a much easier road. Although my flesh likes to tempt me to be equal or above him, the result is acheiving such a status, is loneliness. It is a pursuit of individualism rather than a partnership of cohesion. God has genuinely given me a man that has stood the test of time. I thank the Lord that He has seen us through these past 12 years. I pray that if the Lord tarries, we have many more years of growing more in love with one another as we actively seek to pursue all that the Lord has in store for us! Many Blessings & Hugs my friends!

When the Lord speaks...

God has been really working with me to let Him lead my day rather than being a slave to my 'schedule'...........

I remember a time when I was chatting with a friend from church when we lived back in WA. She came up to me so excited. She said "Guess what?" Seeing the excitement in her eyes I though what she had to say was gonna be BIG! With great enthusiasm she shared that she found some drapes. This excitement was not just about drapes so keep reading. You see, when she was having her quiet time with the Lord that morning, He told her to go to Goodwill today. He gave her no explaination of why but just to go. When she walked in the front door of the Goodwill, there were the drapes that she had wanted! She had been wanting some drapes for a while but couldn't find ones at a good price. She was so tickled NOT because they were these awesome drapes but because God is just so sweet. HE knew that she wanted these and even though this probably wasn't even a 'high priority' on God's To Do list, He cared about the little things enough to tell her about this neat find! The fact is she could have said she was too tired and second guessed herself, but she was obedient. Funny how the Lord cares enough to send you somewhere with no explanation and then just BLESS YOUR SOCKS OFF with the reason why. That He knows us so well and is always looking for ways to show us His love! Sometimes we are just too busy going about our day to yield to His blessings!

God reminded me of this story the other day when I too had one of these moments. We have a pretty good scedule going in the morning for our routine. My middle child, Abby is usually my first one at the breakfast table with all her chores done. She tends to wake up with a bit more spring in her step than everyone else. However, this morning she doddled a little longer than usual. After everyone finishes breakfast we all come out to the living room for morning devotions, but Abby was still not done with breakfast. Usually I wouldn't begin without her but I knew she would be a while so the Lord told me to go on without her. I didn't wait for her and we continued with devotions. Abby got done with breakfast about the same time we were done with devotions so I asked Michaela and Ben to begin with their schoolwork so I could talk with Abby. I asked if she would like to do devotions in her room this morning since she missed out and she said yes.

After about 20 minutes passed Abby came running into the room all excited. Her face was so radiant with joy. She explained "Guess what mom, I heard Jesus's voice! I was just reading my bible for a while and praying asking Him to help me with my day and I HEARD HIM! He said "Do good and I will help you!" I asked her what she thought that meant. Without skipping a beat, she explained that "When I get frustrated with my school work the Lord wants me to ask Him for help!"

Generally I do not like it when we get off schedule....... however, for some reason that morning even before knowing what the Lord was doing, the schedule wasn't a big deal. TOTALLY GOD! Just the fact that God did this in my heart, was very cool. God made an appointment with my daughter to hear his voice!

God has a plan daily for our lives. I know there are possibly many times in which I have thwarted the Lord's plan to do awesome things because I was too wrapped up in my daily TO DO lists. In this day and age, there are so many distractions available to drown out the voice of God and His daily plans for us that we slip into cruise control rather than asking Him. We know that His plans are so much greater, so much more rewarding, with our best interest at heart, but my flesh seems to grip onto 'business as usual' when I am unaware. If we chose to embrace it, this abundant life that only comes from the Lord, can't help but spill onto those around us. Just as my Abby's radiance was contagious when she heard His voice, a day planned by the Lord is just as contagious. A day such as this radiates with an earthly glimpse of the eternal. A reality check to what is really important.

The enemy has enough ammunition/distractions to keep the Lord from speaking purpose & direction into our days. God is a gentlemen and will not go where He is not wanted. If your schedule is too jam packed to allow God to have his way with your schedule/plan/day, I ask you to reconsider your commitments. Even a bunch of 'good things', even some that are God-centered, can be a distraction from allowing God to weave together a masterpiece of appointments for His Glory. It is so easy to slip into cruise control doing what we have always done, sacrificing the God-opportunities He has in store. Where man focuses on getting through the day and the successes of this frail life, God focuses on the eternity he has placed in our hearts.

There is just so much more that the Lord has been speaking to me about as of late but since these ladies did such a wonderful job explaining than I could just read here:
What we really need by Amy's Finer Things
Courtney at Women Living Well reminds us moms of what is really important by challenging us to examine the question What Do your children think of you
Kristen shares some pretty humbling statistics over at We Are That Family that you just can't read without it affecting the next time you spend a dollar.


Many Blessings!

Pregnant

Sorry to disappoint you but if you clicked on my blog in anticipation of a pregnancy announcement, sadly that is no longer possible. However, much of what we are anticipating in the upcoming year is much like process of pregnancy and the anticipation of expecting a baby. The only difference between a real pregnancy and what we are 'birthing' is the fact that with babies, there is an actual due date.

As the task at hand is becoming more and more apparent, there is much preparation in store for what the Lord is doing. There are a lot of emotions, expectations and anticipation to see God do what He does best, as we try not to insert ourselves and screw it all up. I remember being pregnant with each one of my children and being told what is the best things avoid (caffeine was my addiction) and to take my vitamins, eat healthy and drink plenty of water. Due to the complications of each pregnancy there were plenty more DO's and DO NOT's on those lists but each one of these instructions were there to benefit & protect the best interest my baby and myself.
In the same manner we are being instructed to prepare, anticipate and wait expectantly on the work the Lord is putting together.
~To grow together as a strong family unit so that when adversity comes we can count on the Lord and each other to get through. So that when one of us falls the others will be standing to help them up.
~To teach, instruct, model & build up our kids in their faith so that they too can become co-laborers in the work that God has for us.
~To be diligent in keeping our cups filled so that they may be poured out and used at a moments notice.
~To rest now because once the work has started there will be a time of business where our bodies and minds will be spent as we pour out what is supplied continually.
~To be wise with the stewardship God is providing so that if there is a season of hardship for our area, we can be a witness to those around us by providing for needs not being met.

It is so awesome to watch the beauty of comradery that women posess when a first-time mom announces her pregnancy. The immediate reaction is a whirlwind of planning by all those that love and care for her. What I experienced and have seen in many other of my friends is that, all the other moms around her begin taking note and anticipating her needs! Many go home and find things that they don't use anymore and pass along to her. There is a nesting instict that comes out in women all around her in order to help her transition to motherhood be a smooth one. An infectious joy, support and excitement is in the air during this time!

In the same manner, people around us, most not even knowing what God is doing, have given us things. For example, Abby is doing vision therapy at our eye Dr.'s office twice a week to improve her ability to read. He knows we homeschool but has no idea of anything else about us. This week he asked if we had any use for an overhead projector. He had just bought a new one and decided to give this one away and thought of us. I was floored. I hadn't even thought about this as a need but a major luxury! As always, God sees a way to meet a need, even before we can see it as such. He uses those around us, totally unaware, to meet them. I came home with it and John just grinned thankfully.

Our home is another example of this. Although I feel rather guilty for having such an amazingly huge blessing, God has shown us how it is only an extension of things HE wants to do out here. That our home is going to be a safe haven for people who are weary where they can experience a time of refreshment.

Just as a new mom can only fathom what being a mom is like and can only guess at how this will forever change her, we are in the same boat. What God has in store is a huge masterpiece and while we can only imagine the what's, when's, why's and how's, there is a solice in knowing that He has it all taken care of. Just as the mom has really nothing to do with the beauty that transforms inside her womb we too, have only a TINY responsibility in what God is working out. We are only to follow His leading in the everyday, so that we can be in the right place at the right time obeying as we watch how He pulls it all together for His Glory.

Many folks have inquired about if we know WHY we are here. We do know some of the reasons that God has shared with us. However, because we don't have all the answers, this could make us discouraged or insecure, but we would rather choose reliance. Chosing reliance over any other tempting train of thought makes us cling to the Lord for His lead. While our lives are not filled with the comfort of an 'exact purpose' or 'detailed time lines', it stretches me (the planner) to find comfort in not knowing. After all, is it really important to have details or do they give us an artificial security in circumstances, rather than our Lord? While it makes me uncomfortable to say "I don't know why," it does cause me to be more intentional with small and minute decisions. It has made me see the difference between a God-allowed choice rather than a God-designed choice. There are many things God will allow us to take part in that have absolutely no eternal value at all. Their rewards are temporal and more about keeping idol hands busy rather than glorifying the Lord. When I thought I had a pretty firm grasp on the game plan laid out and an understanding of my life, it was so easy to get caught up in the eventual monotony of 'cruise control'? Because I have the benefit of NOT knowing what next year will look like, it makes me more intentional about praying before committing my time energy and resources to anything. God Bless all!