Why Adoption? Part 2 Disqualified

*Disclaimer: My hubby reads EVERY post before it goes out. As the head of our household, he is my editor, so that I do not share too little or too much of what he would prefer. This next part is mostly about him, but please understand that I do have his approval to share this. God is a God of redemption. If He can't use our past to help others, then there is no good that can come of it.
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

On that note, this is where our story continues........

Due to my health not ever 'returning to normal', we could barely see past this fact to even consider adopting in the present/future. Approximately a year after my health began improving, we began the process trying to sell our home, by owner. We knew that our current house was full and had no room for any additional children. At the same time we also felt the Lord nudging us to a different area nearby. The process of selling was taking much longer than expected and due to the stress of this, my health regressed a little bit. However, this was able to be remedied with meds and taking better care of myself.

At about the same time, my dear hubby went through a deep phase of anger. It was a bit more than just a bad day at work or being grouchy because of his shift work. There was a deeper root that neither he nor I could figure out what was troubling him. We sought out a dear couple from church to mentor us through this time. We began going through a bible study on marriage with them and discussing the chapters. After about half way through the book, it was the Holy Spirit that revealed to the gentleman, the reason behind John's anger.

Hebrews 12:15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

When John and I were going through pre-marriage counseling there were parts of his past that he didn't want to share with me. That I would just have to accept the fact that he could not tell me about his "Before Jesus" days. My DH didn't come to the Lord until he was 32 years old so there was a bit of past deeds that were done the 'world's way'. He didn't want those past decisions to cause me to respect him less or see him in a different light. After all, since asking the Lord into his heart he was now a new creation, what is the point in dwelling in the past? At the time he was unaware of the verse in Hebrews that said it was difficult to bear this root alone. Due to the burden of hiding his past and the condemnation that it held over him, he was no longer able to maintain the burden. Instead it was coming out where he least wanted it to. Our mentor told him once he 'came clean' with everything and was able to speak freely about the past, there would no longer be a reason for this anger to reside in his heart and spill out on the people he loved most.

So when we got home that evening, he shared the burdens of his heart.

At the tender age of 15 my hubby conceived a child out of wedlock, with his girlfriend. It was shortly after the death of his father that this occurred where he was grieving and 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. Once her family found out she was pregnant they didn't tell anyone. One day she was 'sent away'. My hubby's best friend, her brother, wouldn't tell him anything about where she went or how she was doing. She and her family decided that the best thing for them to do would be to send her to a unwed mothers home during her pregnancy, so the child could be placed up for adoption. Due to the circumstances, this was tremendously wise. My hubby was informed of what had taken place when she returned to her home after being gone for 9 months. After a while, the nagging uncertainty subsided into buried guilt/shame.

OK, here is where I come off as the totally understanding wife! NOT! I don't 'beat around the bush' really well........ After finding this out, I remember uncontrollably blurting out certain questions in a kind and loving not so delicate fashion:
*How could you have a kid out there and NOT know where she is?
*Do you want to know if she is OK?
*Do you think she may want to know WHY she was placed for adoption?
*She needs to know her medical history!
*Have you ever thought about trying to locate her?

Such a compassionate response, I know. Maybe you are able to handle mysterious biological children better than I, OR possibly you do not have the same foot in mouth disease I do? ;o) While these were all things he had considered, in order to seek out the answers, you must prayerfully ask the Lord if this was something He wanted for all those involved. John was conflicted....... His heart and DNA cried out for answers, but there is an also that underlying guilt/condemnation when satan whispers in your ear 'YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW'. Although his birth daughter was very much an adult now and he had wanted to locate her, making yourself available to be found came with so many unknowns.
How would this effect our family?
How do I explain to my kids that they have a sibling so much older than them?
What if this person has a horrible childhood because of me?
What if she hates me?
Will the truth be too painful a reality to re-live in order to find her?

Although many of these unknowns were paralyzing at times, he still wanted to find her. Even if it was to just let her know that when SHE was ready to chat, here was his information. Due to the complexity of an emotional roller coaster that this had caused in his life, I knew it would be hard for him to have the perseverance to find her. I asked him if I could do the searching for him and he agreed that this would be the best.


Long story short, we did find her parents in 2004 but it was right after Hurricane Charlie hit Florida. Her parent home was hit rather hard so they had been staying at a hotel while it was being repaired. Once they did receive John's letter, she e-mailed us first. Then they spoke over the phone. A couple years would pass before we got the opportunity to meet her face to face. If you haven't already, you can read about that here with It all started with a simple vacation.

Contemplating adoption when you have been on the other side of the spectrum (a birth parent), can be irreconcilable without God's healing power of redemption. Satan's lies would tell you that your life before Christ, disqualifies you from being on the blessing/receiving end of adoption. It wasn't till after this battle with his prior adoption story that he could even consider being blessed by adopting someone else's child. To Be Continued.......

Why Adoption? Part 1

Those of you that know us well, know that we have a heart for adoption. This was not always the case for us. Since we are embarking on the road to adoption I figured it may be helpful to share the reason how and why we came to have this passion.

No where in the bible does it say, "If you follow me and obey my instructions, everything will go PERFECT." Instead it says.....

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I Samuel 15:22 ......."Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king."

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

1 Peter 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In God's great mercy he has caused us to be born again into a living hope, because Jesus Christ rose from the dead.4 Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty, are kept in heaven for you.5 God's power protects you through your faith until salvation is shown to you at the end of time.6 This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad.7 These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you.

On the premise, as Christians, we are not to expect the 'perfect life', this is where our journey begins.
I can remember a time when Benjamen was just a couple months old when my dear husband brought up a very touchy subject with me. He told me it was time for him to have a Vasectomy. While he was no where near demanding my consent, he was pleading for my agreement.
Please understand, this wasn't just your 'typical' reason for being done. We had always talked about having a large family. While 3 kids under the age of 5 was stressful at times, I knew that God had a plan in mind for us! Usually the reasons people are 'done' having children usually fall into one of these categories:
~ "I can't handle any more kids"
~ "__ is enough"
~ "We have __ girl(s) and ___ boy(s) so now we can be done"
~ I want to be done with kids by the time I am ____ so I can enjoy my life again.

However, these were not our reasons....... His request was based with one purpose in mind. Preserving the safety of myself and our children. While my first pregnancy was rather normal, the last 2 had almost killed me. It was the providence of God that our children were born without some sort of birth defect. When you have a grand mal seizure while pregnant, the moms body cuts off the oxygen supply to the umbilical cord for the length of the seizure. Due to the deprivation of oxygen to the baby's brain and due to a flood of anti-convulsant medications that purged through their small bodies, we are very blessed that they didn't suffer serious injury.
Over the course of these years, my husband watched the healthy woman he married, just 4 1/2 years prior to this, become very sick. With each pregnancy, the hormones made a mild seizure disorder (petit mal) into something unable to be tamed even by the strongest medications. We used to have fair warning (aura) when the seizures were mild but now there was no warning at all. They continued to be longer in duration and more violent. The doctors warned, if we had any more children, the possibility of death or comma for me was probable.
Although I had all this information, the plans for a large family were dying and I didn't want to accept it. My hubby's intentions to protect the children we did have and give my body the ability to recover, didn't seem to sooth the permanence of co-erced infertility.
After all, I used to be the women who once thought she was going to "have it all"......... a career and 2.5 well adjusted children. I gave up the illusion of the American dream because God knows it would have destroyed me to chose this earthly fulfillment. INSTEAD, what gave me the most joy was being so blessed to bring children into this world and teach them about the Lord! To raise up world changers!

I went into my room to have a quiet time and PLEAD my case to the Lord. Through tears I began begging the Lord to change HIS heart. To heal me and allow us to have more children. Once my agenda was out there, the Lord began to soften my heart so that He could share His. Many tears were shed that day as I heard His still small voice mention the following subjects.......
Submission, Obedience, Sacrifice, Barren, Joy, Idolatry, Consequences of Disobedience, Fruitful, Hope......... and finally ADOPTION. As my heart strained to hear the painful words of conviction, it also clung to the hope of adoption. My heart and eyes welled up with tears as I shared these words the Lord had given me with my husband. Although I prayed for God to change his heart the one whose heart was changed was my own.
When a man is allowed the ability to truly LEAD his family, it is always a good thing that is pleasing to the Lord.
Grateful that I had chosen to agree with my his request, my hubby too agreed to the 'new plan' to complete our family. He, however, had no idea what this new plan meant for his future. Quite a few years would pass without uttering a word about adoption until it was brought up at a time out of context. To be continued.....

The Best Nest

I have been pondering something God has been showing me for quite a while now since our move. It is lesson that aches with conviction and sometimes even a bit of condemnation. However, since it was recently brought to my attention through a visual aide I figured I could now put words into pictures.

Many of the plants that are around our home havn't been maintained over the years. One of which, if not trimmed, turns into a huge, thorny, creeping mess. The bush was so overgrown and full of dead branches that, as you can see, it was leaning sideways. While it still flowered a small bit, the leaves began spotting and turning yellow so I asked a landscaper at church what to do with it. She recommended it probably needed a good trimming back. So as I took to the task of pruning the thorn-ridden monstrosity, eh hemm........ I mean Beautiful Bougainvillea, the Lord began showing me a bit of a picture as I peeled back the layers. In the course of pulling out the dead parts and cutting away at the massive overgrowth, I found something rather unexpected.

Here are 2 of the 3 empty bird nests that were located within the confines of the bush. I am sure they served their purpose in the time they were in use, however, the overgrowth was so bad that there became a point that these were stuck in the mass of thorny branches. If you will notice, they are so ornate and very sturdy to hold up in the harsh rains and winds here in Florida. Their placement in the bush and sturdy construction reminded me of our network of believers we left behind in WA state. When you are privileged with such an amazing support system, it is hard to see how this could ever be detrimental to your walk with God. However, these wonderful Christian people can become your standard of what Jesus has called you to. While you think that you are fully reliant on the Lord, following His will in everything because you have the support of your closest network......... they are not the standard, Jesus is. Just like me, they too are human with failures and frailties. Don't we tend to gravitate to those that tend to share the same liberties as we chose to LOVE and sometimes even hang out with people that have the same failings as ours so we can bond over fruitless living.

We can remain in ignorance together while condoning each others desire for unholiness while in the end our roots begin to surface and leaves turn a bit yellow from lack of nourishment. Much like I did with that plant, when the Lord removed us from our home, He pruned away the comfort & security of our nest. We really had no idea of why He was choosing to do this, however, I can see part of it was that we needed to check our roots. We had the ideal situation back home. Family close by, great friends/fellowship, job security, great church leadership, unwavering biblical teaching, a core group of people that really KNEW us intimately, people who we could count on if we ever needed anything at all. With all these wonderful things in place, unknowingly, our roots began to surface. Although we may not have realized it, God saw our leaves begin to turn yellow and wrinkle due to lack of HIM filling our needs rather than the security of friends, family & church.

Moving to Florida has been eye-opening in many areas. The most important honest evaluation though has been how shallow our roots were. That once all of our securities were stripped away, we were tested to see if we truely believed that Jesus really IS ENOUGH. We are called to have deep roots in the Lord so that when the fires of life rage with avengence, we can look to the one who has His hand on the thermostat. How often, when the fires raged, we were quickly able to call a reliable Christian friend, rather than seeking out the counsel of the one who made us. How easy it was in a time of trouble to solve the immediate problem through our network of people who loved and cared for us rather than call out to the One who made us and has an awesome plan for our lives. Logically, for a "mature believer" it is DUMB to do this on a continual basis when you realize that the maker of the Universe has our best interest at heart. Yet we are lazy, lonely people that simply rely on what is tangible for the RIGHT NOW when Jesus still small voice beckons to be enough for us. Seeking the voice that calmed the raging sea, raised the dead and who speaks life into these dry bones is the only way that our roots remain deeply grounded into the rich fertile soil, while all else is secondary. The bait of Satan is to get our focus looking to others as our standard, when Christ wants our eyes fixed on Him and His word for direction.

Not sure if this is you? Here is a possible self-check to do with the Lord.



When something horrible or amazing happens what is your first instinct?



When you need some guidance on ANY subject do you go to the Lord first or gather all the necessary information before consulting the Lord?



Is God more of your butler up in heaven? A means to an end only necessary when you need some answers, or some extra UMPH to get through the day OR is His whisper presently recognizable in every aspect of your life?



Most importantly, if you are still certain this doesn't at all apply to you, the Lord knows! Ask Him to search your heart and He will be faithful to point out any areas that are whithering. Maybe no one around you can 'see' your malnourishment, but be certain that God is just waiting to be enough.