HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE

If you are reading this through your e-mail inbox you will have to click onto the blog site to see the above video (I think)?

I am working on a couple posts about my testimony but in the mean time I have some very cool news! We were finally licensed for foster parenting last Wednesday. We were warned that we may just get a call the same day but instead we got a call the next day.

It was just for respite care. The definition of respite care is basically extended babysitting. Something a foster parent can ask for this in order to go out of town or if they just need a breather, yet have their foster child still maintain visits with biological relatives and continue school attendance. Our first visitors that came into our home was a 4 year old boy who shared Ben's birthday and a 12 month old little girl. Your heart would melt if I could show you a picture of how precious they are. They visited with us for 4 days. Ben and the boy celebrated their birthdays together on October 30th which was very sweet. The boy was quite well adjusted but the little girl was very clingy to me. Praise God she would also be fine if one of the girls kept her company as well.

When we arrived at church on Sunday this was one of the worship songs that was sung. Knowing how much this little girls had clung to me over the days that we had her, I couldn't help but realize she had a fear of people leaving her. She shead a lot of tears when that fear would come to surface. I couldn't help but tear up when the lyrics of this song were brought to a fresh perspective.

"Found in your hands fullness of joy every tear suddenly wiped away, here in your presence"

We are entering a world where there is a lot of fear, tears and pain. We are taking on this pain in no other way but because Jesus calls us to enter in to suffering of the weak.... to carry their burden with a self-less love. (Rom 15:1-6)

It is interesting the responses I get from people who see our extra brood. Many of whom tell me "I don't know how you do it. I could never do that!" Although we are still in the honeymoon stage of this, it is easy to respond...... Our faith in Christ calls us to die so that we might have an abundant life. We simply can not expect to live an exponential life of faith when we decide to keep fear in our back pocket. Fear of heart-break, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of the loss of control. Fear keeps us from making too big a risk, relinquishes life abundant in trade for the shackles of complacency. It is when we yield unto death to self and possibly enter into pain, that the boldness of Christ diminishes fear that once held us captive.

The most awesome thing the Lord reminded me of lately was from the OT when the leader of the Isrealites would loose the ability to carry the burden alone, God told them to gather up support for themselves, to encourage them to keep going. In Numbers 11:16-18 and Deuteronomy 1:11-13 he tells us that there is wisdom and great strength in numbers. Surrounding ourselves with people who will share our burden for these kids is exactly where we have been blessed in our church family! No shortage of showering these kids with the love of Christ and offering to help us if we say the word! We also look forward to Grandma & Grandpa moving in down the street from us come January as well.

Our first visitors went back to their foster parent today but now there is another little one visiting with us for about a week. A precious little girl who is a tad bit medically fragile but thriving in spite of her humble beginnings. The kids all seem to be enjoying someone to dote on. We continue to covet your prayers as we continue this process. Babysitting (respite) is the easy part. It is when there becomes a permanent placement that we will need to cling to Jesus's promises rather than let the fear of "what if" haunt us.

PS. For those of you who are interested in the adoption process through foster care I may need to move this to a blog that will be marked private. I do this so I have the ability to share things that normally may not be able to be as public. This blog can be viewed by anyone where as the foster care blog would only be open to invited readers. I will keep you up to date on that when I have the time to invest in another pondering place!

Trust and Obey......

Isaiah 55:6 Seek the LORD while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.
8 “ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. 9 “ For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Just wanted to share a weee bit about our hunt for a new car. We had to return the rental car today that was paid for by the other drivers insurance so this means it is getting down to crunch time. Craigslist has been our best resource so far since the dealers always seemed to mark up their prices beyond our cash only buying choice. We saw 2 vans today that were nice and would serve the purpose. I am not sure about you, but for me, when buying used there is always that NEED to know if this is the one that God has for us. Circumstances and prices may indicate a good thing but this does not always equate to God's provision. As John and I were talking about each vehicle I asked him if we could take the most likely candidate to our mechanic to make sure there were no hidden repairs that will arise later on. Basically I was afraid (in spite of the fact that God would confirm which one we should buy) that we would waste all of our money on a lemon and then not have a dime left to fix it. So we continued to pray about it and ask for the Lord to speak clearly. We are still eagerly awaiting this BTW. ;o)
The Lord reminded me of what a friend recently blogged about in her life regarding obeying the Lord in all things. While I recently wrote about the blessings that come from obedience, she spoke about the times when obedience is nothing more than just plain obedience. There is no blessing, no spiritual fruit to point to, no tangible results...... There is simply the peace that comes from being obedient to God's direction. My fleshly nature protests "THATS IT, THATS what I get for obeying GOD? NOTHING?" She went on to explain that many times we obey because of the blessing, revealing our 'give to get' mentality. If God gives us a reason that seems good right or just, it may be easy to do what He says, yet it is not so easy to obey even the tiniest of things when God does not give an immediate reason or proof of WHY he wants us to do something. Our prideful heart decieves us into thinking we know better than God. Today I got another reminder that our concept of what is 'good' usually never accounts for the eternal perspective........
SO, as we were contemplating, praying and talking about the vehicle that God might have for us I assume in my rational way that if we hear from Him which vehicle to chose, execute and purchase said vehicle, He will bless our obedience with a reliable van, no severe mechanical problems, ect. RIGHT? In my happily ever after meets fleshly, selfish optimist kind of way, this is how things should be. UGH! Then I heard the Lord speak to my heart.......... "What if I tell you to buy a van that needs a lot of repairs? Your mechanic isn't saved yet, is he? It is MY money that I will provided for the repairs! Eternity is priceless." Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
So thankful that when we lose the eternal perspective it is never far from God's heart. We are shortsighted seeing only the temporal. His heart for the lost is always seeking, ever present.
Matthew 18:11 For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost. 12 “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? 13 And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray. 14 Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
Here is yet another one of those lessons that God makes certain in my heart that my life is NOT about my plans, my agenda, my convenience or my happily ever after. So, no matter what God tells us to buy, I can now purchase without the fear of the 'what if'. I am sure God gets bored of reminding me He is still God, He does not need my help being God and His plans are better than my BEST happily ever after.

Memorials

This is a post that I wrote several years ago, before I began blogging. It was a journal entry from a place when God was doing a lot of cleaning house as he was peeling back the layers of my heart. I may share more journal entries of pre-blogging days as they can be great memorials of God's never-ending grace and unrelenting pursuit of us as His bride.

To make a long story short of why this old post is now relevant, a series of unfortunate events have transpired. Have you ever wanted to 'forget' about allowing God to do something in your heart because it meant this left you vulnerable to be hurt? These events made me so want to shrink back to the days before He began softening/melting away the layers of hurt that served to shield my heart. A time where, at the Lord's leading, my heart spilled out and I fell on the rock begging Him to help me trust Him in order to become vulnerable enough to trust others. It was a time of healing and restoration. Despite what has currently taken place to make me want to 'go back' and cling to old patterns of my flesh, God beckons once again. My heart pours out as I beg God to help restore my trust in others. God is sovereign and as He has proven over and over again, his promises are loving, true, and for my benefit. So for those of you wondering what the Lord is doing with our family, we are rebuilding memorials of His faithfulness, His provision and asking Him to restore the very clear direction we once had for this city where we live.

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Joshua 4 1 When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, 2 "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, 3 and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight." 4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, 5 and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, 6 to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' 7 tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." ……….. 17 So Joshua commanded the priests, "Come up out of the Jordan." 18 And the priests came up out of the river carrying the ark of the covenant of the LORD. No sooner had they set their feet on the dry ground than the waters of the Jordan returned to their place and ran at flood stage as before. 19 On the tenth day of the first month the people went up from the Jordan and camped at Gilgal on the eastern border of Jericho. 20 And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. 21 He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' 22 tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' 23 For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. 24 He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."

God commanded the Isrealites to build a memorial to help them remember the awesome thing that the Lord did for them. They would have an amazing legacy to share with their children. This memorial was something visible so that they could never forget to share with their kids, grandkids and the many generations that followed. A physical proof designed to recall, reflect and remind a feeble minded people of the miracle of God’s provision in their lives.

So many times I have found that I take this concept to a different extreme. Instead of building memorials that show the next generations what the Lord has done for me & my family, showing evidence of His faithfulness toward our provision ……… In my flesh, I build different kinds of memorials. Unfortunately, these memorials are designed to protect & serve the purpose of self preservation……….. They are memorials to help bring to the forefront of my mind, hurtful words or actions done or said against my family or myself. Memorials that remind me not to get too close to anyone that will eventually either intentionally or unknowingly chose to hurt myself or someone I love. Idols that keep my mind held captive to what is not glorifying to God. Memorials of bondage…… bondage to what has either already transpired or will not yet be given the opportunity to transpire. Memorials that rob, cheat and steal God’s joy, peace & fruit in my walk with Christ.

The memorials in my life that I need to dwell on with the kind of devotion that the Lord desired for the Isrealites, should be ones that reflect this verse.
Philippians 4:8-9 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I was chatting with a pastor at church, who knew the process in which the Lord was taking me through and I told him........ "I asked the Lord to do this work in my heart, spilled out the pain, help me forgive and show me how to love despite unrepentance, but then it just gets thrown in my face again. How can I ever overcome something that never gets resolution." He replied very simply "The day you get it thrown in your face again and it does not make you cringe, with be the day God has had HIS way with the hurt and true healing is complete. There need not be resolution or even restoration, but the burden of the weight needs to rest on the Lord's shoulders, not yours." What he was showing me was that it isn't till that work of God or knowledge comes to life again and challenges the purification when we are given an opportunity to 'try again' that WE discover if God has a fully surrendered, purified & contrite heart. It is never a mystery to God, yet we are the ones who trade ignorance for the reality of where our heart finds its allegiance.

Why Adoption? Part 2 Disqualified

*Disclaimer: My hubby reads EVERY post before it goes out. As the head of our household, he is my editor, so that I do not share too little or too much of what he would prefer. This next part is mostly about him, but please understand that I do have his approval to share this. God is a God of redemption. If He can't use our past to help others, then there is no good that can come of it.
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

On that note, this is where our story continues........

Due to my health not ever 'returning to normal', we could barely see past this fact to even consider adopting in the present/future. Approximately a year after my health began improving, we began the process trying to sell our home, by owner. We knew that our current house was full and had no room for any additional children. At the same time we also felt the Lord nudging us to a different area nearby. The process of selling was taking much longer than expected and due to the stress of this, my health regressed a little bit. However, this was able to be remedied with meds and taking better care of myself.

At about the same time, my dear hubby went through a deep phase of anger. It was a bit more than just a bad day at work or being grouchy because of his shift work. There was a deeper root that neither he nor I could figure out what was troubling him. We sought out a dear couple from church to mentor us through this time. We began going through a bible study on marriage with them and discussing the chapters. After about half way through the book, it was the Holy Spirit that revealed to the gentleman, the reason behind John's anger.

Hebrews 12:15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

When John and I were going through pre-marriage counseling there were parts of his past that he didn't want to share with me. That I would just have to accept the fact that he could not tell me about his "Before Jesus" days. My DH didn't come to the Lord until he was 32 years old so there was a bit of past deeds that were done the 'world's way'. He didn't want those past decisions to cause me to respect him less or see him in a different light. After all, since asking the Lord into his heart he was now a new creation, what is the point in dwelling in the past? At the time he was unaware of the verse in Hebrews that said it was difficult to bear this root alone. Due to the burden of hiding his past and the condemnation that it held over him, he was no longer able to maintain the burden. Instead it was coming out where he least wanted it to. Our mentor told him once he 'came clean' with everything and was able to speak freely about the past, there would no longer be a reason for this anger to reside in his heart and spill out on the people he loved most.

So when we got home that evening, he shared the burdens of his heart.

At the tender age of 15 my hubby conceived a child out of wedlock, with his girlfriend. It was shortly after the death of his father that this occurred where he was grieving and 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. Once her family found out she was pregnant they didn't tell anyone. One day she was 'sent away'. My hubby's best friend, her brother, wouldn't tell him anything about where she went or how she was doing. She and her family decided that the best thing for them to do would be to send her to a unwed mothers home during her pregnancy, so the child could be placed up for adoption. Due to the circumstances, this was tremendously wise. My hubby was informed of what had taken place when she returned to her home after being gone for 9 months. After a while, the nagging uncertainty subsided into buried guilt/shame.

OK, here is where I come off as the totally understanding wife! NOT! I don't 'beat around the bush' really well........ After finding this out, I remember uncontrollably blurting out certain questions in a kind and loving not so delicate fashion:
*How could you have a kid out there and NOT know where she is?
*Do you want to know if she is OK?
*Do you think she may want to know WHY she was placed for adoption?
*She needs to know her medical history!
*Have you ever thought about trying to locate her?

Such a compassionate response, I know. Maybe you are able to handle mysterious biological children better than I, OR possibly you do not have the same foot in mouth disease I do? ;o) While these were all things he had considered, in order to seek out the answers, you must prayerfully ask the Lord if this was something He wanted for all those involved. John was conflicted....... His heart and DNA cried out for answers, but there is an also that underlying guilt/condemnation when satan whispers in your ear 'YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW'. Although his birth daughter was very much an adult now and he had wanted to locate her, making yourself available to be found came with so many unknowns.
How would this effect our family?
How do I explain to my kids that they have a sibling so much older than them?
What if this person has a horrible childhood because of me?
What if she hates me?
Will the truth be too painful a reality to re-live in order to find her?

Although many of these unknowns were paralyzing at times, he still wanted to find her. Even if it was to just let her know that when SHE was ready to chat, here was his information. Due to the complexity of an emotional roller coaster that this had caused in his life, I knew it would be hard for him to have the perseverance to find her. I asked him if I could do the searching for him and he agreed that this would be the best.


Long story short, we did find her parents in 2004 but it was right after Hurricane Charlie hit Florida. Her parent home was hit rather hard so they had been staying at a hotel while it was being repaired. Once they did receive John's letter, she e-mailed us first. Then they spoke over the phone. A couple years would pass before we got the opportunity to meet her face to face. If you haven't already, you can read about that here with It all started with a simple vacation.

Contemplating adoption when you have been on the other side of the spectrum (a birth parent), can be irreconcilable without God's healing power of redemption. Satan's lies would tell you that your life before Christ, disqualifies you from being on the blessing/receiving end of adoption. It wasn't till after this battle with his prior adoption story that he could even consider being blessed by adopting someone else's child. To Be Continued.......

Why Adoption? Part 1

Those of you that know us well, know that we have a heart for adoption. This was not always the case for us. Since we are embarking on the road to adoption I figured it may be helpful to share the reason how and why we came to have this passion.

No where in the bible does it say, "If you follow me and obey my instructions, everything will go PERFECT." Instead it says.....

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I Samuel 15:22 ......."Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king."

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

1 Peter 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In God's great mercy he has caused us to be born again into a living hope, because Jesus Christ rose from the dead.4 Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty, are kept in heaven for you.5 God's power protects you through your faith until salvation is shown to you at the end of time.6 This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad.7 These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you.

On the premise, as Christians, we are not to expect the 'perfect life', this is where our journey begins.
I can remember a time when Benjamen was just a couple months old when my dear husband brought up a very touchy subject with me. He told me it was time for him to have a Vasectomy. While he was no where near demanding my consent, he was pleading for my agreement.
Please understand, this wasn't just your 'typical' reason for being done. We had always talked about having a large family. While 3 kids under the age of 5 was stressful at times, I knew that God had a plan in mind for us! Usually the reasons people are 'done' having children usually fall into one of these categories:
~ "I can't handle any more kids"
~ "__ is enough"
~ "We have __ girl(s) and ___ boy(s) so now we can be done"
~ I want to be done with kids by the time I am ____ so I can enjoy my life again.

However, these were not our reasons....... His request was based with one purpose in mind. Preserving the safety of myself and our children. While my first pregnancy was rather normal, the last 2 had almost killed me. It was the providence of God that our children were born without some sort of birth defect. When you have a grand mal seizure while pregnant, the moms body cuts off the oxygen supply to the umbilical cord for the length of the seizure. Due to the deprivation of oxygen to the baby's brain and due to a flood of anti-convulsant medications that purged through their small bodies, we are very blessed that they didn't suffer serious injury.
Over the course of these years, my husband watched the healthy woman he married, just 4 1/2 years prior to this, become very sick. With each pregnancy, the hormones made a mild seizure disorder (petit mal) into something unable to be tamed even by the strongest medications. We used to have fair warning (aura) when the seizures were mild but now there was no warning at all. They continued to be longer in duration and more violent. The doctors warned, if we had any more children, the possibility of death or comma for me was probable.
Although I had all this information, the plans for a large family were dying and I didn't want to accept it. My hubby's intentions to protect the children we did have and give my body the ability to recover, didn't seem to sooth the permanence of co-erced infertility.
After all, I used to be the women who once thought she was going to "have it all"......... a career and 2.5 well adjusted children. I gave up the illusion of the American dream because God knows it would have destroyed me to chose this earthly fulfillment. INSTEAD, what gave me the most joy was being so blessed to bring children into this world and teach them about the Lord! To raise up world changers!

I went into my room to have a quiet time and PLEAD my case to the Lord. Through tears I began begging the Lord to change HIS heart. To heal me and allow us to have more children. Once my agenda was out there, the Lord began to soften my heart so that He could share His. Many tears were shed that day as I heard His still small voice mention the following subjects.......
Submission, Obedience, Sacrifice, Barren, Joy, Idolatry, Consequences of Disobedience, Fruitful, Hope......... and finally ADOPTION. As my heart strained to hear the painful words of conviction, it also clung to the hope of adoption. My heart and eyes welled up with tears as I shared these words the Lord had given me with my husband. Although I prayed for God to change his heart the one whose heart was changed was my own.
When a man is allowed the ability to truly LEAD his family, it is always a good thing that is pleasing to the Lord.
Grateful that I had chosen to agree with my his request, my hubby too agreed to the 'new plan' to complete our family. He, however, had no idea what this new plan meant for his future. Quite a few years would pass without uttering a word about adoption until it was brought up at a time out of context. To be continued.....

The Best Nest

I have been pondering something God has been showing me for quite a while now since our move. It is lesson that aches with conviction and sometimes even a bit of condemnation. However, since it was recently brought to my attention through a visual aide I figured I could now put words into pictures.

Many of the plants that are around our home havn't been maintained over the years. One of which, if not trimmed, turns into a huge, thorny, creeping mess. The bush was so overgrown and full of dead branches that, as you can see, it was leaning sideways. While it still flowered a small bit, the leaves began spotting and turning yellow so I asked a landscaper at church what to do with it. She recommended it probably needed a good trimming back. So as I took to the task of pruning the thorn-ridden monstrosity, eh hemm........ I mean Beautiful Bougainvillea, the Lord began showing me a bit of a picture as I peeled back the layers. In the course of pulling out the dead parts and cutting away at the massive overgrowth, I found something rather unexpected.

Here are 2 of the 3 empty bird nests that were located within the confines of the bush. I am sure they served their purpose in the time they were in use, however, the overgrowth was so bad that there became a point that these were stuck in the mass of thorny branches. If you will notice, they are so ornate and very sturdy to hold up in the harsh rains and winds here in Florida. Their placement in the bush and sturdy construction reminded me of our network of believers we left behind in WA state. When you are privileged with such an amazing support system, it is hard to see how this could ever be detrimental to your walk with God. However, these wonderful Christian people can become your standard of what Jesus has called you to. While you think that you are fully reliant on the Lord, following His will in everything because you have the support of your closest network......... they are not the standard, Jesus is. Just like me, they too are human with failures and frailties. Don't we tend to gravitate to those that tend to share the same liberties as we chose to LOVE and sometimes even hang out with people that have the same failings as ours so we can bond over fruitless living.

We can remain in ignorance together while condoning each others desire for unholiness while in the end our roots begin to surface and leaves turn a bit yellow from lack of nourishment. Much like I did with that plant, when the Lord removed us from our home, He pruned away the comfort & security of our nest. We really had no idea of why He was choosing to do this, however, I can see part of it was that we needed to check our roots. We had the ideal situation back home. Family close by, great friends/fellowship, job security, great church leadership, unwavering biblical teaching, a core group of people that really KNEW us intimately, people who we could count on if we ever needed anything at all. With all these wonderful things in place, unknowingly, our roots began to surface. Although we may not have realized it, God saw our leaves begin to turn yellow and wrinkle due to lack of HIM filling our needs rather than the security of friends, family & church.

Moving to Florida has been eye-opening in many areas. The most important honest evaluation though has been how shallow our roots were. That once all of our securities were stripped away, we were tested to see if we truely believed that Jesus really IS ENOUGH. We are called to have deep roots in the Lord so that when the fires of life rage with avengence, we can look to the one who has His hand on the thermostat. How often, when the fires raged, we were quickly able to call a reliable Christian friend, rather than seeking out the counsel of the one who made us. How easy it was in a time of trouble to solve the immediate problem through our network of people who loved and cared for us rather than call out to the One who made us and has an awesome plan for our lives. Logically, for a "mature believer" it is DUMB to do this on a continual basis when you realize that the maker of the Universe has our best interest at heart. Yet we are lazy, lonely people that simply rely on what is tangible for the RIGHT NOW when Jesus still small voice beckons to be enough for us. Seeking the voice that calmed the raging sea, raised the dead and who speaks life into these dry bones is the only way that our roots remain deeply grounded into the rich fertile soil, while all else is secondary. The bait of Satan is to get our focus looking to others as our standard, when Christ wants our eyes fixed on Him and His word for direction.

Not sure if this is you? Here is a possible self-check to do with the Lord.



When something horrible or amazing happens what is your first instinct?



When you need some guidance on ANY subject do you go to the Lord first or gather all the necessary information before consulting the Lord?



Is God more of your butler up in heaven? A means to an end only necessary when you need some answers, or some extra UMPH to get through the day OR is His whisper presently recognizable in every aspect of your life?



Most importantly, if you are still certain this doesn't at all apply to you, the Lord knows! Ask Him to search your heart and He will be faithful to point out any areas that are whithering. Maybe no one around you can 'see' your malnourishment, but be certain that God is just waiting to be enough.

We made it!

I wanted to share just a few thoughts to express how incredibly thankful that today, my hubby and I celebrate 12 years as husband and wife. I must admit that there were many times during those years that I wondered if we would make it. Often in our marriage, I wondered if we would join the very unfortunate statistics of divorce within the church. Neither of us, ever had biblical reason for divorce..... Apathy, self-reliance and selfishness are choices, yet for many years we had a marriage that could be labeled "Failure to Thrive". Reason being might be summed up in a inability to accept and apply these WISE quotes.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Robert Quillen

I don't believe couples fall out of love - they fall out of repentance.
Gary Thomas

Forgiveness is the only way to break the cycle of blame--and pain--in a relationship...It does not settle all questions of blame and justice and fairness...But it does allow relationships to start over. In that way, said Solzhenitsyn, we differ from all animals. It is not our capacity to think that makes us different, but our capacity to repent, and to forgive.
Philip Yancey

Looking back on those years of wasted co-existence, I realized one rather disheartening fact:
During those years of 'doing time' in my marriage, Satan spent more time/effort trying to sabatoge my marriage than I spent fighting for it and investing in it.

When it came down to the "Last stand" so to speak, we made an appointment to see our pastor. As we went on to explained how both of us are tired of being hurt, both fed up with the other, each pointing fingers, spewing hurtful words and proclaiming in all the ugliness of pride and unforgiveness "I do not deserve THIS!" Our pastor stopped us short and without us even realizing at the time, shared with us the secret to a happy marriage. While the dream of a happy marriage died alongside our ability to forgive quite a while back, here was someone sitting in front of us that was not going to allow Satan to steal kill and destroy one more marriage. Someone willing to fight harder for our marriage's weakened and thready pulse, that either of us were. He did so by simply asking one very LOADED question.
"Given the fact that ALL you have been entrusted with is because of God and the very fact that you are breathing right now, is a result of God sending His son to die on a cross for you, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DESERVE?"
Both of us, with heads hanging low and eyes fixed on the floor in shame, answered much like a child..... "Nu-thing"
It didn't end there though..... further explaination chewing-out was necessary to turn our shame & self-sorrow into God-centered repentance.
"The penalty for sin is death and both of you are deciding to live in sin due to a lack of repentance! What you deserve is death, so everything on top of DEATH is a cake walk....... a gift from the Lord. In order for a person to really LIVE, the flesh MUST die. Stay where you are in your stench of pride, self-will and arrogance and this will be the legacy of your failed marriage that you will pass on to your children..... OR you can make a choice today to crucify your flesh and breath NEW life into your marriage!"

The proof that you love someone is not that you have warm affectionate feelings toward them. The proof is in your actions, your words and your sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return.
Katherine Walden

Praise God for people who have the courage to hiold you accountable to God's word! For people who will fight fervently & prayerfully on your behalf when you are too foolish to do so yourself! So thus began a new chapter in our marriage. No more co-existing together but clinging to each other while choosing death so that we may grow and have an abundant marriage. While we are in no way perfect, our relationship only grows deeper and gets better with time. When we both have our eyes fixed on the Lord, everything else falls into place! We are learning together, year after year, how to better die as individuals.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
Peter Devries

Many of you who know my hubby can laugh at this as he is quite the character. I thought he was a one of a kind till I met Sarah. Now that I see Sarah's 'twin' (Abby) develop more of his personality, I am almost out-numbered! So glad that the Lord is able to use characters like us to point others to the Lord.

Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.
Matthew Henry

This last quote is very poinant to me. John has never been an overbearing man even though he married a fairly head strong woman. Once God allowed me to see the protection provided me through submission, it is a much easier road. Although my flesh likes to tempt me to be equal or above him, the result is acheiving such a status, is loneliness. It is a pursuit of individualism rather than a partnership of cohesion. God has genuinely given me a man that has stood the test of time. I thank the Lord that He has seen us through these past 12 years. I pray that if the Lord tarries, we have many more years of growing more in love with one another as we actively seek to pursue all that the Lord has in store for us! Many Blessings & Hugs my friends!

When the Lord speaks...

God has been really working with me to let Him lead my day rather than being a slave to my 'schedule'...........

I remember a time when I was chatting with a friend from church when we lived back in WA. She came up to me so excited. She said "Guess what?" Seeing the excitement in her eyes I though what she had to say was gonna be BIG! With great enthusiasm she shared that she found some drapes. This excitement was not just about drapes so keep reading. You see, when she was having her quiet time with the Lord that morning, He told her to go to Goodwill today. He gave her no explaination of why but just to go. When she walked in the front door of the Goodwill, there were the drapes that she had wanted! She had been wanting some drapes for a while but couldn't find ones at a good price. She was so tickled NOT because they were these awesome drapes but because God is just so sweet. HE knew that she wanted these and even though this probably wasn't even a 'high priority' on God's To Do list, He cared about the little things enough to tell her about this neat find! The fact is she could have said she was too tired and second guessed herself, but she was obedient. Funny how the Lord cares enough to send you somewhere with no explanation and then just BLESS YOUR SOCKS OFF with the reason why. That He knows us so well and is always looking for ways to show us His love! Sometimes we are just too busy going about our day to yield to His blessings!

God reminded me of this story the other day when I too had one of these moments. We have a pretty good scedule going in the morning for our routine. My middle child, Abby is usually my first one at the breakfast table with all her chores done. She tends to wake up with a bit more spring in her step than everyone else. However, this morning she doddled a little longer than usual. After everyone finishes breakfast we all come out to the living room for morning devotions, but Abby was still not done with breakfast. Usually I wouldn't begin without her but I knew she would be a while so the Lord told me to go on without her. I didn't wait for her and we continued with devotions. Abby got done with breakfast about the same time we were done with devotions so I asked Michaela and Ben to begin with their schoolwork so I could talk with Abby. I asked if she would like to do devotions in her room this morning since she missed out and she said yes.

After about 20 minutes passed Abby came running into the room all excited. Her face was so radiant with joy. She explained "Guess what mom, I heard Jesus's voice! I was just reading my bible for a while and praying asking Him to help me with my day and I HEARD HIM! He said "Do good and I will help you!" I asked her what she thought that meant. Without skipping a beat, she explained that "When I get frustrated with my school work the Lord wants me to ask Him for help!"

Generally I do not like it when we get off schedule....... however, for some reason that morning even before knowing what the Lord was doing, the schedule wasn't a big deal. TOTALLY GOD! Just the fact that God did this in my heart, was very cool. God made an appointment with my daughter to hear his voice!

God has a plan daily for our lives. I know there are possibly many times in which I have thwarted the Lord's plan to do awesome things because I was too wrapped up in my daily TO DO lists. In this day and age, there are so many distractions available to drown out the voice of God and His daily plans for us that we slip into cruise control rather than asking Him. We know that His plans are so much greater, so much more rewarding, with our best interest at heart, but my flesh seems to grip onto 'business as usual' when I am unaware. If we chose to embrace it, this abundant life that only comes from the Lord, can't help but spill onto those around us. Just as my Abby's radiance was contagious when she heard His voice, a day planned by the Lord is just as contagious. A day such as this radiates with an earthly glimpse of the eternal. A reality check to what is really important.

The enemy has enough ammunition/distractions to keep the Lord from speaking purpose & direction into our days. God is a gentlemen and will not go where He is not wanted. If your schedule is too jam packed to allow God to have his way with your schedule/plan/day, I ask you to reconsider your commitments. Even a bunch of 'good things', even some that are God-centered, can be a distraction from allowing God to weave together a masterpiece of appointments for His Glory. It is so easy to slip into cruise control doing what we have always done, sacrificing the God-opportunities He has in store. Where man focuses on getting through the day and the successes of this frail life, God focuses on the eternity he has placed in our hearts.

There is just so much more that the Lord has been speaking to me about as of late but since these ladies did such a wonderful job explaining than I could just read here:
What we really need by Amy's Finer Things
Courtney at Women Living Well reminds us moms of what is really important by challenging us to examine the question What Do your children think of you
Kristen shares some pretty humbling statistics over at We Are That Family that you just can't read without it affecting the next time you spend a dollar.


Many Blessings!

Pregnant

Sorry to disappoint you but if you clicked on my blog in anticipation of a pregnancy announcement, sadly that is no longer possible. However, much of what we are anticipating in the upcoming year is much like process of pregnancy and the anticipation of expecting a baby. The only difference between a real pregnancy and what we are 'birthing' is the fact that with babies, there is an actual due date.

As the task at hand is becoming more and more apparent, there is much preparation in store for what the Lord is doing. There are a lot of emotions, expectations and anticipation to see God do what He does best, as we try not to insert ourselves and screw it all up. I remember being pregnant with each one of my children and being told what is the best things avoid (caffeine was my addiction) and to take my vitamins, eat healthy and drink plenty of water. Due to the complications of each pregnancy there were plenty more DO's and DO NOT's on those lists but each one of these instructions were there to benefit & protect the best interest my baby and myself.
In the same manner we are being instructed to prepare, anticipate and wait expectantly on the work the Lord is putting together.
~To grow together as a strong family unit so that when adversity comes we can count on the Lord and each other to get through. So that when one of us falls the others will be standing to help them up.
~To teach, instruct, model & build up our kids in their faith so that they too can become co-laborers in the work that God has for us.
~To be diligent in keeping our cups filled so that they may be poured out and used at a moments notice.
~To rest now because once the work has started there will be a time of business where our bodies and minds will be spent as we pour out what is supplied continually.
~To be wise with the stewardship God is providing so that if there is a season of hardship for our area, we can be a witness to those around us by providing for needs not being met.

It is so awesome to watch the beauty of comradery that women posess when a first-time mom announces her pregnancy. The immediate reaction is a whirlwind of planning by all those that love and care for her. What I experienced and have seen in many other of my friends is that, all the other moms around her begin taking note and anticipating her needs! Many go home and find things that they don't use anymore and pass along to her. There is a nesting instict that comes out in women all around her in order to help her transition to motherhood be a smooth one. An infectious joy, support and excitement is in the air during this time!

In the same manner, people around us, most not even knowing what God is doing, have given us things. For example, Abby is doing vision therapy at our eye Dr.'s office twice a week to improve her ability to read. He knows we homeschool but has no idea of anything else about us. This week he asked if we had any use for an overhead projector. He had just bought a new one and decided to give this one away and thought of us. I was floored. I hadn't even thought about this as a need but a major luxury! As always, God sees a way to meet a need, even before we can see it as such. He uses those around us, totally unaware, to meet them. I came home with it and John just grinned thankfully.

Our home is another example of this. Although I feel rather guilty for having such an amazingly huge blessing, God has shown us how it is only an extension of things HE wants to do out here. That our home is going to be a safe haven for people who are weary where they can experience a time of refreshment.

Just as a new mom can only fathom what being a mom is like and can only guess at how this will forever change her, we are in the same boat. What God has in store is a huge masterpiece and while we can only imagine the what's, when's, why's and how's, there is a solice in knowing that He has it all taken care of. Just as the mom has really nothing to do with the beauty that transforms inside her womb we too, have only a TINY responsibility in what God is working out. We are only to follow His leading in the everyday, so that we can be in the right place at the right time obeying as we watch how He pulls it all together for His Glory.

Many folks have inquired about if we know WHY we are here. We do know some of the reasons that God has shared with us. However, because we don't have all the answers, this could make us discouraged or insecure, but we would rather choose reliance. Chosing reliance over any other tempting train of thought makes us cling to the Lord for His lead. While our lives are not filled with the comfort of an 'exact purpose' or 'detailed time lines', it stretches me (the planner) to find comfort in not knowing. After all, is it really important to have details or do they give us an artificial security in circumstances, rather than our Lord? While it makes me uncomfortable to say "I don't know why," it does cause me to be more intentional with small and minute decisions. It has made me see the difference between a God-allowed choice rather than a God-designed choice. There are many things God will allow us to take part in that have absolutely no eternal value at all. Their rewards are temporal and more about keeping idol hands busy rather than glorifying the Lord. When I thought I had a pretty firm grasp on the game plan laid out and an understanding of my life, it was so easy to get caught up in the eventual monotony of 'cruise control'? Because I have the benefit of NOT knowing what next year will look like, it makes me more intentional about praying before committing my time energy and resources to anything. God Bless all!

20 something......

God put it on my heart today to highlight this blogger at Amazima ministries.
What she writes is not necessarily a feel good type of message. Don't we American Christians hear enough of that junk already? I love that about her! She is blunt, honest and revealing here.
Miss Katie is wise beyond her years as she continues to follow God's plan for her life rather than her own. She is an amazing imperfect 20 something year old young woman in in Africa caring for orphans ALL BY HERSELF!

I am not sure what you were contemplating in your late teens and early 20's but I confess my contemplations were quite shallow. They went along the lines of many American's these days who don't see much beyond their own comfortable lives and family units. While it is not wrong to seek the Lord regarding everything that pertains to our lives and He encourages us to do this, is this your only focus? Unfortunately, at this point of my life it was really "all about me" rather than taking on a more global world view.

~ What do I want to be when I 'grow up'?
~ When will I meet the man I will marry?
~ When will I have kids?

In my many hours of prayer asking these things of the Lord and not much else, He did at one point granted me 'children'. Even in my luke warm "what about me" prayers, God fulfilled one of those desires. Not because I was ready, prepared, equipped or 'special' but because He used whatever limited resources of my obedience to reach beyond my wants and needs. He used this desire to get my focus off myself so that I could reach out to troubled teens at a youth ranch to work with trouble teen by being a dorm mom to them. This was an amazing yet challenging point in my walk with Him. I no longer could do things on my own but NEEDED the Lord to fill me with his strength, wisdom and discernment daily. God drew me nearer to Himself so that I no longer "needed" the things that I used to pray for. Instead my prayers were focused on my girls, their hearts, their salvation, and lasting changes in their lives that would follow them into their own legacies.

Due to my self imposed limitations/comforts, God did use what He could.......... but I wonder sometimes about how much more I could have been used if God had not been limited! You see, unlike Ms. Katie, I had and still struggle with too much self-focus. We sometimes can't see past my own comfort or schedule to even ask the Lord if He has something bigger in mind.

While it is not 'wrong' to seek the Lord to meet your needs, that word need is so superficial. So many people have way more than they NEED yet we are always asking for MORE. Time is so short here on this earth and many unsuspecting GOOD people are going to hell. Yet, so much of the church is stuck in a self-indulgent rut. SO busy occupying time with the external while wasting valuable resources on things that have no eternal value. So busy in the daily grind, that we seem to forget that WE are not the only people on the planet. Satan has us so distracted with our own selfish ambitions that we don't see people to the left or right perishing....... When I read of Ms. Katie over in Africa she challenges me to look outside my own comfort. So I challenge you, what are you put on this earth to do? Have you ever asked the Lord if He has something bigger in store for you? Are you ready to count the cost if He tells you HIS plans for you or your family include giving up __________? Many of us live mundane and uneventful lives because we do not allow God to really be LORD OF ALL. We fill slots of time with business to avoid hearing from the Lord. We are too busy telling Him what we can handle rather than asking Him to give us the ability to handle ALL that He has in store for us!

Make sure to pause my music on the side bar to hear this song. Here is an amazing video that explains a little about Katie's passion:


Lyrics are as follows:

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
Her mother's voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent

And on a thousandth hill
I think of Albertine
There in her eyes what I don't see
With my own

Rwanda

[Chorus]
Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go 'till you are

No no, yeah

And I am on a plane
Across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
And in the dust on, the dust on, the dust on, the dust on
The dust on my feet

Rwanda

Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go 'till you are

I will tell the world
I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them, Albertine

Rwanda

Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go 'till you are

Mmm

And I am on a stage
A thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine

Some questions you may ask yourself based on these lyrics:

What have we SEEN that we are NOW responsible to act upon? Is your faith too dead to act?

Are you willing to obey whatever calling the Lord has in store?

Is our salvation used to further the Kingdom, or an inclusion that focuses on self?

How can the experiences God has allowed in our lives be effectively utilized?

"Bad will be the day for every man when he becomes absolutely contented with the life he is leading, with the thoughts he is thinking, with the deeds he is doing; when there is not forever beating at the doors of his soul some great desire to do something larger, which he knows that he was meant and made to do because he is still, in spite of all, the child of God." Phillips Brooks

Time for....... you decide

I was listening to this song the other day while painting. I had heard it many times prior to this, however, it is amazing that when you are otherwise scatterbrained, you don't actually "hear" what is playing in the backround. This time, I heard for the first time how deep this song really is. I would venture to say that it is the story of the work God began in me before our move. It is still an unfinished work, as we all are. However, it is my prayer, year by year, to allow this process of God's house cleaning. To continually ask for refining/purification so that God has HIS way into shaping me into who HE desires me to be.
No matter how long you have been saved,there are always times to allow the Lord to CLEAN HOUSE. We never become immunized to change and allow the Lord to purge our 'old man.' Dont get me wrong, it hurts, it is hard and even a bit traumatic at times, however the result is pure freedom. When we get saved and repent, all of our past is forgiven! We have a clean slate! Unfortunatley, sometimes we continue to 'hold on' fearing what may happen if we let God have ALL of our baggage! We sometimes like to take our baggage with us just to keep it 'safe'. Sad thing is this is a lie from Satan. This is bondage! Bondage to our former self, our past sin, and finally bondage to the present sin....... Lack of trust that the Lord can handle our fragile hurting hearts with the same amount of care He handles our eternity. When listening to this song, ask the Lord to search your heart to find those things that have been 'broken too long'. The Lover of your Soul is just waiting on you.
Make sure to mute my music on the side bar to hear this amazing song! Lyrics below!



It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...

To... Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time to face up Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This *IS* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out

After allowing the Lord to search your heart, if you find that there is a lot more cleaning that you want the Lord to do I highly recommend going through the study Healed & Set Free by Tammy Brown. This site has a very good description of what it entails. There is even an audio file where you can listen to the author's testimony. I can truely say that it is the best investment I have ever made in a bible study. It is not just a book of ideas and quick fixes. It is a labor of love for HOW the bible applies to HEALING the deepest wounds and truely moving on. Even good bible believing churches tend to lean toward adopting physchological non-sence to sustain a 'status quo' of misery and bondage. Being faced with the scriptures in this book changed my marriage, my family, friendships and my perspective on who I am in Christ.

Loves & Hugs!

Shock & Awe

This post is dated just 2 years to the date where the Lord first allowed us to come to Florida. At this time 2 years ago we were hustling around packing for the vacation of a lifetime. We had amazing plans to visit Walt Disney World AND more importantly, meet my hubby's birth~daughter for our first face to face meeting. The kids were so excited to meet a sister they had only heard about from e-mail, pictures and phone calls. You can read a bit about that here. Without that pre-ordained plan to come spend time with her, we probably would have never visited Florida. What an amazing gift we have been given to have her on our lives. Who would have ever figured a simple visit of a lifetime would be the precursor to something way bigger?

As of February 4th, we are the owners of a home that we do not deserve. It is a huge blessing and I can't even comprehend why the Lord would so abundantly give us our hearts desires. Especially after the many temper tantrums I avoided blogging about when I knew I was going to have to sell our last home....... On the outside, I was trying to be excited about this new plan from the Lord. I didn't want to quench His plan by mourning our losses/counting the cost, OUT LOUD. However, in my heart of hearts, I didn't want to. I could only see the reality of giving up my family's fingerprints on that home. The time invested there making memories. I know we are not to hold on to earthy treasures, but I really didn't want to let that one go. Remember in the Old Testament where their mourning was filled with sitting in ashes and wearing sackcloth? My dramatic pity party was quite similar to this with the exception that my mourning was all about something that is going to burn.

When I look at the blessing of this house the we just purchased, it is just an amazing testimony of the character of God. While I am so reactionary when He takes away a blessing that we didn't deserve in the first place, He remains the same. He still wants to bless my socks off regardless of if I deserve it. His amazing provisions are not based upon anything I can earn, but about resting in His grace. While this new home doesn't have my family's fingerprints on it quite yet, in some ways I hope it never does. At least not in the same manner my last one did. Effectively being able to use God's provision for HIS glory is all I should be satisfied with. Don't get me wrong, I want to make it inviting, pretty and LESS COLORFUL, but I never want it to take captive a special place in my heart. To make me second guess the fact that God always has our best interest at heart if He wanted us to give it up tomorrow. The difference between Earthly treasures and the things that God finds worth in are quite clear.

Proverbs 24:3 By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; 4 through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

Isaiah 33:5 The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high; he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness. 6 He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

Matthew 6:19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Lord, continue to guard my heart so that what my heart treasures, are reflective of what you find worth in!

Hello Lord

Hello Lord By Sarah Groves:





I saw these lyrics on another blog today here. Dont forget to mute my music on the side bar if you want to hear the song above.
Not sure how many of you have ever felt this way, but these lyrics were so reminiscint of our journey to find the home God has for us here in Florida. I am working on a blog about the home we think the Lord blessing us with, however, I would like to wait for more details to share!
For those of you maybe in the same boat. Maybe you are waiting to hear the Lord but not sure if He is whispering. Don't lose heart! He wants to speak to any heart wanting to hear His sweet voice!

Here are the lyrics:

Hello Lord, it’s me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I’m faced with big decisions
And I’m wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I just can’t hear you.

I don’t doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you’re saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I just can’t hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I’m waiting on you

Right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I think you’re whispering

Uncommon New Years goals

This Sunday I got to go to church………….. Here are some things I thought were pretty neat to ponder on.
The pastor started off by asking how many of us thought 2009 was a good year? I thought it odd that no one raised their hand because I didn’t think 2009 was bad, per-say. I do not live in a bubble and realize there are some pretty major things that made 2009 not very pleasant:
~America is beginning to realize the weight of their poor presidential choices when they elected a man that wasn’t qualified to take the presidential office. However, due to that poor choice we are seeing end times prophecy fulfilled very quickly!
~We live in an area of Florida that has been hit hard by the economy and people have lost homes and jobs all around the USA. Despite this, God still continues to use trials to strengthen our faith and take care of His people all over the globe, even if it is not the same way He used to take care of them!
The pastor went on to say that this year 2010 IS whatever we chose to make of it. We can choose to have joy and show others, that the light of the Lord lives in us OR we can choose to focus on circumstances which either rob us of our joy and/or get our focus off the Lord. To further his point of choosing joy in the New Year he went to the be-attitudes in Matt 5:3-16 to get the full understanding of what we should seek after.
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 13"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. 14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
I love that he pointed out the fact that these things that follow "Blessed are the……." in the passages above, are not typically on the "goals list" for the New Year. He joked that if he held a seminar titled with the following list he probably wouldn’t get any takers. :o) To be poor in spirit (spiritually bankrupt), to mourn, to be meek(power under control), to be persecuted, to have lies spread about you because of the Jesus………. Hmmmm, these are usually never things we aspire to, or ask for. However, what if we did ask for these things? Would we then have the radiant love of Christ that could not be masked by circumstance, trial or menial everyday tasks? Wouldn’t Jesus be faithful to fulfill them through us!
Then came his analogy on verse 6, about hunger and thirsting for righteousness. The word Righteousness here, from the Greek, means Equity of Character. If we are to have a life that is hungering and thirsting for a character that has worth or equity, the only way we can achieve such a character is to seek spiritual food. The Bible.
When an infant is born it needs to eat often, but he doesn’t really eat much each time. Likewise a baby Christian, NEEDS to be nourished by the word more often than just once a day. Since new believers are fighting many spiritual battles with old worldly patterns of behavior, their intake of the word may need to be frequent and in short spurts. This can be accomplished by listening to bible studies, posting scriptures around the house to memorize them, accountability groups and time alone with the Lord.
As the child grows into adulthood, his meals get larger, but he eats less frequently. As an older believer, I know I can become slack in nurturing my spiritual life and taking in the larger portions. Sometimes we can be fooled into thinking the snack-sized portions are good enough because we already know a lot of what the bible says. This misconception of necessity, doesn’t take into account our continual spiritual bankruptcy! It doesn’t consider, that God uses his word, daily, to speak to us personally according to whatever our current situation is. God, in His foreknowledge, also sees what will be coming ahead of us and if we are seeking after Him for those larger portions, we may not miss His gentle warning or preparation of what is to come. The verse here says we are to continually hunger and thirst for righteousness. We are not to snack on or nibble on it, but to really seek after the meat found in the word. If we do not, we will not be filled, prepared or focused for what God has in store. He wants us to desire larger portions, dig deeper, study more and get to the heart of what God is telling us, rather than being satisfied to our current head knowledge or daily reading. Many times this means getting out of our comfort zones and when we "don’t feel like it" pray and ask the Lord to renew our hunger and thirst!
Another analogy he used was a boxing analogy. You have 2 boxers of equal skill that are scheduled to fight. One is eating in order to be competitive bulking up on protein, carbs and veggies, while the other is just snacking on bread. The one who is eating to compete will win because he will have the energy needed to complete the task. It is the same with our daily intake from the word. If we are eating to win the race and to keep our focus on the Lord, our portion with the Lord will be complete so that our walk be a living witness to others. If we are just nibbling or snacking, weariness has the ability to take over and take out focus off the Lord. Thresult of this is similar to the salt that has lost its flavor and a light put under a basket.
If many of us who make those New Years resolutions, did so by sticking to the words in this passage alone, could we be the salt and light that was referred to in the verses 13-16? Never thought my New Years goals would have to do with those things but it is apparent that if we want to radiate Christ and be effective in our walks, these are the qualities that God says we need!

A New Year and some new beginnings

The most recent development at our home happens to be that we have left the Church closest to us and are now traveling to Naples to be apart of the fellowship there. This was something the Lord had established that we do prior to my visit to Tri-cities, but unfortunately, we delayed. It is hard to leave somewhere you get plugged in, but when God says GO it is best to listen in HIS timing and not our own! Unfortunately, we didn’t make it to Christmas eve service down in Naples, but I guess it was quite a festive event. John heard all about it last Sunday along with getting introduced to many of the folks at the church. He got to go by himself as he was the only one not yet suffering from the sinus headcolds. , In his fellowship time he got some really neat advice from some fellow brothers about being patient for the Lord to reveal his plan. This seemed to be a re-occuring theme for the day for him. Just another way for God to use others to speak to our heart! However, the neatest piece of advice that John came away with was this:
“Many times when we seek to hear the Lord’s plan for our lives, we only do so in an effort to CONSIDER (mull over & count the cost) the Lord’s plan, rather than with an attitude of first time obedience to WHATEVER God has in store.”
In theory, everybody wants to be in God’s will. Everyone wants God’s plan because in the end we understand in our heads that His plans are SO MUCH better than anything we could come up with on our own. That He is God and we are FAR from anything but a pile of filthy rags. Whether your personality is reflective of a ‘Mary’ or a ‘Martha’, we all do this in many ways that we may not realize. Either personality has it’s own demons in the way ‘considering’ plays its role. Marys’ tend to worry and dwell in the What If’s, impossibilities, and how to’s. Marthas get a piece of the puzzle and start plotting & planning for ways that will make things happen. Neither one is abiding, resting or dwelling in the fact that the the Lord has got things under His control. Especially when we have trouble RELINQUISHING the control to the Lord. That in a nutshell is the heart of the matter. Control, whether through worry or self-reliance are both sin and disobedience. Lately we have experienced a period of unanswered prayers in seeking His direction so these are the scriptures He has me meditating on. Trusting, seeking, dwelling, abiding, listening and just plain old sitting at his feet. Knowing full well that He has some amazing plans for us and to continue practicing that list above until He is ready to share, His perfect timing is in place, and WE are ready to receive it. At this point His voice will be unmistakable.
Psalm 37:3-7 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
John 15:4-5, 7 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will[b] ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.
Proverbs 14: 20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. 21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Psalm 51:1,10 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 139: 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

These are some of the scriptures that are speaking to my heart lately. Making certain that we are ready to obey, rather than just consider His will for our family. Here are some questions posed on a “New Years Devotional” from truth media, that were asked to ponder over as they relate to the past year and looking toward redeeming further growth, in the coming year.

Here are some questions we might ask ourselves:

How real has the Lord Jesus Christ been to me?
Did I seek His will when making decisions?
Was my life a good example for others?
Did I help anyone else come to Christ?
How many prayers did I have answered?
If I could do it over, would I live the same way?

Happy New Year!

The hunt continues

As many of you know from reading my last post we have begun house hunting. There in lies the premise for this post.
Just last week we literally stumbled on the ‘perfect house’. It basically had all of our heart’s desires in a home AND then some. It wasn’t in perfect condition, however, with some new paint and TLC it would be ‘perfect’ to suit all of our needs. (It even had one room that had Seattle Seahawk colors on the wall with SEAHAWKS written on the wall; who knew bad taste in football teams traveled THAT far away! YIKES. John shook his head in shame telling me that was the first room to get painted!) LOL! It was built in 2001, so this meant is was new enough to have a lower insurance premium, but not new enough to have the possibility of Chinese drywall! COOL! We had seen another home that was still in the back of our minds as a possibility but it was much older and missing several things things that this home had. Like a bigger yard, fence, pool, quiet street, ect. It seemed as though this one was the whole package and our search was over!
As John and I spent time with the Lord to ask Him if HE concurred with our thoughts neither of us got scripture about it being ‘the house’. John got scripture about going and dwelling in the Land again. Basically I got scriptures stating I needed to have faith. Maybe I am just a bit picky, but I asked the Lord for specifics. I wanted something along the lines of having the subject of a HOUSE in the scripture? Nothing, but we thought maybe John’s scripture was enough and that I just needed to have faith in the fact that God wants us to have this sweet treasure? To be honest, I got discouraged and basically gave up seeking to get confirmation. John felt like he got confirmation on a price/offer so we placed an offer on the home and the seller to pay a 6% concession. There was no peace as a result of that offer on my part because I knew I stopped seeking. I began praying for God to PLEASE protect us if we stepped out on our own and not under His direction. The bank countered our offer with only paying a 3% concession and we knew right away that this was above the offer John had peace with. We pretty much walked away from the offer all together and put it in the Lord’s hands. If we are to have it then God will make it clear to us through more scriptural confirmation AND the bank will accept our previous offer.
All the while God kept bringing to mind another property we had looked at, but fairly quickly dismissed. It was no longer even a caditate for consideration as far as John and I were concerned. However, the realestate agent kept asking our agent if we were still interested? It was owned by a church and they used it as house for recovering addicts and possibly visitors to their church. It was older, not well cared for, smelled of cigarettes, needed A LOT of work, not in the best part of town and NOT even in Lehigh but a little north of it (East Fort Myers to be exact). However, the home was much bigger than the others we had seen for the same price. It could accommodate an extra family and visitors to stay with us. It also had plenty of room for bible studies. So I felt the Lord tugging at my heart asking WHY we are here? Is it to have the nice house, huge yard, pool , in an acceptable part of town? OUCH! I know that we can accomplish both things in either home, but only God knows where we will have the biggest impact and what we will need, long term for what He is calling us to do. Oh, how our ‘hearts desires’ can sometimes be so short sighted looking only to the immediate need/wants rather than the fact that God has a LONG term plan going on. So we are continuing to seek more confirmation from the Lord. I am well aware that we NEVER “surprised God” by making a choice using our moderate understanding of what God thinks is best for us. However it is quite similar to old adage “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade”. However, we are the ones providing the Lemons for GOD to make Lemonade! Settling, not His first and foremost plan for us but He will make due with the effort we have given. Handing God ‘lemons’ and HIM orchestrating all those affected by our mess…….. We never make decisions in a vacuum and there are always casualties of decisions made without Christ. However, God is a God of redemption. It is God’s pleasure to have us submit to Him and give Him ALL our messes repentantly. Repentance is the key to getting our hearts back in line with the Lords desires for us.
I wish I could tell you that we HAVE confirmation on 'the house' God wants us to own, but so far we keep on seeking until our hearts are in line with scripture and attain the peace that only comes from making a decision based on the Lord's will for our lives. If you think about it please pray for us to get that confirmation! Love you all!

My Thankful List

Being that quite a few things have transpired since my last post I figured, in order to keep you from snoozing through a post I would keep it short and sweet…….. Never done that before so I suppose we will see how that goes!

1. I am thankful that I have a pretty amazing husband, 3 great kids that the Lord has blessed us with and an extended family that has been grafted into our clan through adoption.

2. I am so thankful for my sustained health and the fact that everyone else in our family is healthy! I have been seizure free for many years now, thanks to the Lord’s sweet provision and the ability to pay for the medication necessary to keep me well!

3. John, not only has a job in this uncertain economy, but it is a job that is truly a gift from God. He has had several opportunities to witness; mostly through acts of kindness, but those are rare between inmate and officer so they speak volumes. It also gives him time/energy to pour more into our family! This is just awesome to see the fruit from this happening as we become more knit together and indivisible for the work that God has called us to!

4. God is providing for us and continues to take care of us above all that we could ask or think!

5. I am so THANKFUL the kids and I got to go home and visit/recharge with my relatives and Calvary Chapel Tri-Cities church family back in August. Also, very grateful for opportunities to eat food (mostly ice cream and ranch dressing) that we can’t find here in Florida.

6. We seem to have some direction about the WHY behind being here in Florida. (To be disclosed when we have more evidence/direction)

7. A family from our church in the Tri-cities will be moving down, possibly within a year, to come alongside us in what the Lord has planned! We are pretty happy ELATED/AMAZED about this! It will be so wonderful to have fellowship for our family as we encourage each other to follow the path that God has laid out for each of us here!

8. As per the Lord’s direction, we have been house hunting again in an area that is about 45 minutes, yet only 20 miles, SouthEast of our current location. The town we are looking in/ around is called Lehigh acres.

9. The housing market is still pretty affordable here, but prices are slowly rising because investors are saturating the market. It has also been a bit tricky to navigate this market for these reasons:
~Foreclosures that have been ‘invisibly’ or visibly trashed. Some people are so upset they are losing their homes that they pour cement down the drains & toilets to make sure whoever buys the house has to “pay” for taking it away from them. They get back at the bank by selling off all light fixtures, pool equipment, AC/HVAC systems, kitchen cabinets, ect.
~Short sales: a term that basically says “I am trying to avoid foreclosure with my dignity and credit in tact. PLEASE buy my house for less than what I paid for it. However, since I really don’t want to HAVE to sell it to you, don’t expect me to let you see my house or negotiate a price for 1/3 of what I paid.”
~ Chinese drywall, which the government says is perfectly safe to inhale inert Strontium isotopes that stink like rotten eggs? It is in many of the homes on the market but is not disclosed since it is ‘safe’. Many of the homes built between the years of 2004 to 2006 are effected and since this was a time when there was a huge housing boom it is hard to know what is and is not a home with that drywall. It is so sad to see that people had to go into foreclosure on their ‘dream homes’ because they were unlivable. Even if you have one sheet of this stuff in your home it will cause BIG problems. It breaks down appliances, AC units and damages copper wiring within the year. People who have lived in these homes have the same health problems, however, even though the complaints are the same it is unrelated to the drywall? No worries though……. Obama will LOAN you upwards of 100,000 to ‘fix’ your unrepairable home. Many are struggling to afford their mortgages ‘as is’ and are then forced to foreclose. GRRRRR!
With all these obstacles in our path we are SO GRATEFUL we are seeking the Lord for direction. Only He knows what house we should have so when He says NO, it is easy to walk away KNOWING HE has our best interests at heart.

10. Ever since we realized that my seizure disorder would not be able to sustain another pregnancy, I knew that God gave me a hope that we would adopt to complete our family. John half-heartily agreed with this notion because, he saw how upseting devastating it was, for me. To have the desire to physically bear more children, but submitting that desire to the Lord, KNOWING it was time to let my body be done. However, adoption was MY hearts desire, not John's. After 6 years of praying for my husband to let the Lord speak to his heart on this matter, God has come thorugh. WE will be pursuing adoption once we get settled into the home God has for us here in Florida. The kids are VERY excited and pray daily for their new sibling(s) and that God would keep them safe till we meet him/her/them.

11. I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen this time of isolation for our family. Weird I know, but it has caused John & I to take a very good look at the fact that “you are going to get out of your children, exactly what you put into them”. Yes, we homeschool, yes we use Christian curriculum, yes, we talk about what the Lord is doing for us as a family and how He relates to us. However, how much of this is just scratching the surface? How much of this really cultivates a relationship with us AND more importantly, Jesus? Meaning if they only hear about the Lord through quaint little stories at church and via a short devotional in the morning before school, are they really equipped or are they starving spiritually! Since this has been brought to our attention, we have been doing family devotions in the evening. Just going through the word, reading and answering questions. I only wish we had started doing this earlier as it allows them to ask us questions without shame for not knowing. It gives us opportunities to diffuse all the worlds influences that creep to tempt their hearts. A place in our children’s hearts needs to be cultivated more proactively in the world we live in. The bonus is getting to see them grow in the Lord more fervently, turn to Him when they struggle in their sin AND, most importantly, get victory over those areas they give to the Lord.

12. This year we got to have someone over for Thanksgiving that we know from back home! A former co-worker of John’s moved here to Cape Coral about a couple months ago. We have gotten together a couple times to share our ‘confusion’ with the new culture here in Florida and swapping stories from back home. John and she also had a nice time swapping work stories of their time spent at Benton county as well as being so THANKFUL each of them no longer work there.

I know this is longer than I promised so I will stop there! I am thankful for more than just these things but I know you are already probably thinking “I don’t really care whatever else you are thankful for because you are so long winded” and ready to move along to check your Facebook page. Please just don't post a status update of that you now "need a nap because Theresa's blog is so long"! I will still chose to love you even if you do this but I may send you a poopy diaper in the mail. I work in the church nursery! :o) For those of you naysayers like Ryan, I, just want to let you know, there are 3 separate posts I started along these lines and never got finished because they were a bit too long individually. So, in a way this really is LONG STORY SHORT! He He! Hope you all are well and enjoying getting ready for your Christmas celebration! BIG CHRISTMAS HUGS SENT FROM FLORIDA! Especially because I am not sure if we will get Christmas pics out this year! Anyone want to come celebrate Christmas on the beach with us? Just let me know!