Roller coasters

The other day we traveled to Busch Gardens. The park had a special this year that if you pay for one day, you could get in the rest of the year for FREE. This was a Christmas gift for our family so we can go as many times in 2010 that our budget and schedule allows. We avoided most of the summer months so it had been quite a while since we had been there. Most of the time is spent lolly-gagging in one or more of the favorite spots like Jungulaya and Sesame Street land. Great for preschool age children and mine still love it too! Due to the fact that this place is more than just a roller coaster park it makes a good fit for our family. Eventually, I HOPE that I will not be the only one that appreciates G-forces beyond normal limits? Since the park was fairly vacant this time we spent A LOT of time on this ride.

Air Grover has a significant amount of pretty cool G-force even for a kiddy ride! This is not us on the ride but I thought you might like to see! This is one ride that most of the family rides together!

I did notice something a bit different on this trip in particular. Three of the rides that I went on no longer had the same effect on me that they used to. Usually when you ride a coaster you get a tickle in your belly or and intensity that just makes you want to scream. Instead of the 'normal' reaction, I found that I was a bit immune to the less daring coasters. Don't get me wrong, they are still fun, however, the one that 'ruined' my now immune coaster experience is called Sheikra.

You see, on this one there are 2 free fall drops where it stops you before you plummet (so you can SEE how far you will drop) then it brings you back up to DROP you again! Fun huh? We went to the park quite a few times before I even dared to go on it. Even for me, it looked CRAZY! My first time on it, ONCE was enough of a thrill for one day. However, the next time I went twice. It is still a thrill to go on, but the thrill it provides has 'ruined' me for the lessor tummy tickles of the other coasters. If you want the 'experience' of the coaster through video I found one for you to see what it is like in the front row. (still too chicken for that one myself!)

Seems kinda weird writing about my roller coaster experiences, but hold on for the deeper application behind it all. During one of these milder rides, I was bewildered at my new found immunity to less life threatening coasters. After the ride there was almost a great disappointment for NOT getting that same thrill/tickle in your tummy that you once had. As I was walking back to meet my family, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart.

Moving here to Florida is much like looking at Sheikra for the first time. It was scary to even think about if we would be able to take that risk. For the first year we dealt with a lot of grief from what we left behind but what made it all worth the 'ride' was the knowledge that God was doing something bigger that we just couldn't see yet. Initially our purpose was to serve where we were planted till until more of God's plan was revealed. Even though we had not a clue of what He had in store, we had that same feeling you get right before you get on a ride. The anticipation alone makes the wait worth while. During the waiting you don't see a ton of fruit within anything that you do, but you may see glimpses of what the Lord is doing personally. Molding, shaping and changing your preconceived notions of what we are capable of when we have the Lord doing things through us........

2 years have past. Even though we are about to embark on couple other 'Sheikra experiences' soon, which are exciting, what happens when that thrill dissipates? When we are down in the trenches immune to the hard growth that comes from these 'drops'? When we begin to measure with the worlds yard stick rather than Gods'. We are such a frail, faithless people that tend to look longingly back to the desert rather than seeking to fulfill what God has in store for the promise land. No matter where we loose focus, God is ALWAYS still faithful and moving amongst us. Even when there are no longer those 200 foot drops that give you that confirmation, do we still cling to, trust in and rely on the unseen? Much of our Christian lives are spent on the Merry-go-rounds and Air Grover rides, rather than dramatic free falls. It is so unfortunate that we sometimes become immune to the small ways in which HE chooses to use, minister and work in our lives on a daily basis. That there are battle scars more beautiful born out of sorrow pain than any born out of a mountain top experience. Our walks with the Lord are what we CHOSE to make of it. If we look through His eyes to seek out all opportunities to show Christ in the mundane, we will bear fruit. In chatting with the kids today I mentioned that everywhere we go, we have the ability to shine the light of Jesus. That there is no one opportunity more valuable than another. A trip to Wal-mart can easily turn into an opportunity to meet a lonely lady who JUST needed to see someone smile at her. This equates to the same impact of any preachers sermon on a Sunday morning. After all, we may see people that may never step foot in a church. Sometimes in the mundane we choose to 'check out'. We may miss an opportunity to see someone the way Jesus sees them because we are forgetful and less intentional to Him working through us in the everyday. We may miss a God-opportunity with our children because we are too busy to see what is heavy on their heart.

It is the same concept of being faithful in every situation we are blessed to be present in.

Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.

There are hurting people everywhere and there is no excuse not to be a light to give hope to a lost and dying world.

Colossians 4:5 Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

These are just some of the things the Lord has been gently reminding me of!

Why Adoption.... part 4

Picking up where I left off with tiring of the whole "No Answer" business, this got us asking the Lord what we were missing. I am not sure what others do when they seek & only hear the silence of no answer, but we have always been taught that it is, what it is. That no answer doesn't mean NO, or a 'closed door' but yet an opportunity to seek out the character of God by losing more of self. Since we KNOW God does want to give direction in everything, we see it as a sign that there is something that may be a hindrance towards hearing the answer. A familiar war between the flesh and spirit that must be taken to the feet of Jesus for further examination.
Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; 24 And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

We began praying for the Lord to empty us. To begin to see HIS adoption through HIS eyes and not jaded by our experiences, information or preferences.
I don't know about you but I have countless instances of experiencing this familiar silence. When God is moving in any area of my life, He must first break through my pre-conceived what if's and possible 'answers' and the flesh that wreaks with corruption. While God does want us to come to Him, expecting an answer, the contents of our hearts can presume too much of what His answer could be. Praise God that He sees us past our feeble, short-sighted point of view....... the kind of faith that has a very narrow and limited vision of what His perfect plan entails. If there was ever a song to speak volumes to this time of being deaf to His voice it would be this one by Sarah Groves.

During this time of silence was about the same time of the great earthquake in Haiti. There were reports of adoptions which were already in process, being expedited in order to get those children to safety. Then there were the other stories........ orphaned children coming to FLORIDA to be placed in temporary foster care until the country was stabilized. I probably spent a couple days spinning my wheels on the phone, on hold and making random contact with anyone who knew anything about the children coming into care. As with many other times where we get sidetracked from sitting at Jesus feet, this proved to be a venture of grasping at situational straws......... again to be met with hopes dashed because it was man-made without the providence of the Lord's direction.
Back to listening again....... with that emptiness and willingness, the Lord made clearer the path He had laid out for us. He confirmed it with this scripture in Acts 1: 4 Once when he was eating with them, he told them not to leave Jerusalem. He said, "Wait here to receive the promise from the Father which I told you about.
The context of the passage was actually in reference to them receiving the Holy Spirit, however, it was also in reference to the disciples asking where they should go to minster and tell of what the Lord had done. It was clear that he was instructing them to reach the people in their own neighborhood and this would then be a witness to those that God may also be calling.
What we do know is that we will be adopting through the state of Florida. In many of my previous attempts at 'doing my homework' regarding adoption, it was hard. People would not return phone calls, there was scheduling conflicts, ect. Where as once we received the green light, people would answer their phone, others would call back, concessions would be made so John and I could get the classes done separately but yet finish about the same time! Totally a God thing, since we didn't have local child care available to us. John and I have completed the classes to become certified to adopt so now it is just a process of getting in all of our paperwork, doing a homestudy and making minor modifications to the house to pass the homestudy.

The difference between the adoption of my niece and nephew and ours is that the state of Florida makes you chose between being a foster parent and an adoptive parent. Although the training for each is the same, they want people to know what their family can handle. Many who would get attached to easily and desire to adopt their foster children, could sabotage the re-unification process with the birth parents. Many foster parents DO become adoptive parents if the children in their care are not able to return home, however, they begin their journey with the hopes of reunifying children with their birth parents.

There is a website dedicated to Florida's waiting children called the Heart Gallery. I must admit that I have spent way too much time on there looking into the eyes of these children. My heart aches for them. It is overwhelming to SEE, knowing we are only ONE family. That we can't ease more of the uncertainty of these children....... just waiting. Many of whose hope has been extinguished more times than you or I have EVER experienced. SEE-ing is a motivator. Even if we can't take them all, I can commit to praying for more families to step up to the plate and love the unlovable. I can be a witness and not be silenced by people who do not want to SEE.

We have put an age parameter to our adoption but there is no real number limitation with the exception of what our house can hold...... Meaning we would take a sibling group if the state says our home is 'big enough'. So as we prepare for whatever comes our way I will probably be blogging a little bit here and there but lacking specific details until things become final.

PLEASE be praying for our hearts. One of the reasons we know the Lord was not directing us towards fostercare was due to the attachment of our children. They can spend one day with someone and consider them a best friend forever. The Lord knows this about them and so in His sweet way, He knows that anyone who comes to live here would not be able to be sent away. This would be too heart-wrenching. So as we review case files (without the kids) SEEing is an unforgettable experience. While John is excellent at discernment, I seem to lack this when it comes to kids without a mom & dad! Please pray for us as we complete all of our paperwork & seek the Lord to determine who we will be adding to our family! Thanks!

Why Adoption? part 3

Sorry, I am backing up a bit........ but this is part of our journey and our determination for why we are following this path that the Lord has laid out for us.

About a couple years prior to Benjamen's birth, my brother and sister-in-law were being drawn to the calling of becoming foster parents. This was WAY before there was an awareness or organized "Orphan Ministries" in the church and prior to Christians taking their call to care for the fatherless seriously. Many of the folks at our church just smiled inquisitively when my brother and sister-in-law had an opportunity to share what they were being lead to do. To be honest, I was no help to this either. While I wanted what was best for their family in any calling, I worked with Foster kids in DCF's care, for a period of time between 1991 - 1995. Being a witness to the lack of support systems & resources available to foster parents while knowing my brother was working with many of their parents in jail, it just didn't 'make sense' to put their family at risk. Although, working with the kind of children than came into DCF care very wounded, it was an optimal situation to place them in the care of their stable, loving and consistent home and show them Jesus. PRAISE GOD they continued in this calling and DIDN'T listen to my concerns!

Worldy wisdom/knowledge can be more of a hindrance towards obeying the Lord, than having a blind, hopeful & undefiled faith. Moving forward, knowing that God has your back is way more important than having all the 'experience' or information.

They did have a couple kids in and out of their home. There was one temporary placement that stayed with them for a time but then went back home. They also had done some respite care for other foster parents. A couple weeks prior to Benjamen's birth they got a call to take into care a set of siblings that were 3 years and 6 months old. What sweet little ones God had placed in their home. It was great fun to watch them interact with my children who were around the same age. They came from a Spanish speaking home into a home that only knew English. Obviously the 3 year old was very withdrawn...... that is until she met her new 'best friends.'

It would be putting it mildly if I didn't admit to feelings of despair, frustration and helplessness watching the 3 year court battle to determine WHEN to terminate parental rights. Hearing my sister-in-law speak of the mandatory visits, voice her concerns about the times when they had to physically put the children in a car kicking and screaming to go for a visitation, was absolutely heart-wrenching. Especially as these sweet children were being grafted into part of our family. Although there was a Happily Ever After outcome to those 3 years of turmoil, John and I both decided that kind of journey to adoption was NOT for us! Too much heartache, too much sacrifice! There would be no way we could EVER do THAT! RIGHT?

After the adoption of my niece and nephew was official, we began coming into contact with people just like us (middle income families without an abundance), that were feeling lead to adopt. An official 'adoption ministry' was still not formed till a couple years later, however, quite a few families at our church were being lead to adopt. What they all had in common was the desire to please the Lord in everything. Most did not advertise what they were doing to avoid discouragement from fellow believers that were ignorant to the blessing of adoption. It was at this point that we were introduced to the many other methods of adoption.

~One such couple, also learning from watching my brother and sister-in-law, began the process of adopting legally free children from a neighboring state.

~Another couple WAS 'shouting from the rooftops' that they were seeking to adopt a sibling group internationally from Ethiopia. They were not done having children of their own but KNEW that the Lord had some amazing kids in Ethiopia that were not yet in their forever home.

~A third couple was beginning their journey through doing foster care, but ultimately adopted internationally.

With each instance of hearing from people that were actively pursuing adoption, this only ignited our desire too. One of the biggest myths of International adoption is: "IT IS TOO EXPENSIVE". While this is true, this is a statement that refuses to have faith in the providence of God and to understand God's heart towards adoption.
SEEING people just like us (no extra money or savings accounts in excess), being provided with funds that could ONLY come from the Lord was remarkable. It was similar to what the disciples must have felt when seeing 5 loaves and 3 fish feed the 5000 people and collect leftovers afterward. Our God is so big! With each instance of international adoption looking attainable, this seemed like an AWESOME witnessing opportunity. An amazing testimony to us frail, faithless people, that ANYTHING really is possible when it is a God thing. Money is never any obstacle to the Lord when He has plans to give orphans the forever family they need and the forever family the opportunity to experience God's adoptive/redemptive heart for us. So we prayed for God to move miraculously in our lives through the means of international adoption.

Fast forward now to after we move to Florida. During our first year we had no contact with anyone who was adopting, unless it was reading blogs from people in our home church family who were in the process of international adoption. In rejoicing in their 'Gotcha days', we would seek the Lord to petition Him. We wanted to know WHERE we should pursuit adoption so we could get this going........ By this time we even had the kids seeking the Lord regarding where and to give them the opportunity to pray for their future sibling(s). Yet we were not getting ANY answers. Since we became very familiar with our friends who were adopting internationally and hoped/assumed this would be the way the Lord would lead us too, we answered a radio ad from a local woman who had adopted with CWA. She was setting up informal meetings to introduce people to the world of International adoption. We came home with a load of information that included a country list. We prayed over each one of the counties and again NOTHING.


To be continued.........

Why Adoption? Part 2 Disqualified

*Disclaimer: My hubby reads EVERY post before it goes out. As the head of our household, he is my editor, so that I do not share too little or too much of what he would prefer. This next part is mostly about him, but please understand that I do have his approval to share this. God is a God of redemption. If He can't use our past to help others, then there is no good that can come of it.
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

On that note, this is where our story continues........

Due to my health not ever 'returning to normal', we could barely see past this fact to even consider adopting in the present/future. Approximately a year after my health began improving, we began the process trying to sell our home, by owner. We knew that our current house was full and had no room for any additional children. At the same time we also felt the Lord nudging us to a different area nearby. The process of selling was taking much longer than expected and due to the stress of this, my health regressed a little bit. However, this was able to be remedied with meds and taking better care of myself.

At about the same time, my dear hubby went through a deep phase of anger. It was a bit more than just a bad day at work or being grouchy because of his shift work. There was a deeper root that neither he nor I could figure out what was troubling him. We sought out a dear couple from church to mentor us through this time. We began going through a bible study on marriage with them and discussing the chapters. After about half way through the book, it was the Holy Spirit that revealed to the gentleman, the reason behind John's anger.

Hebrews 12:15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

When John and I were going through pre-marriage counseling there were parts of his past that he didn't want to share with me. That I would just have to accept the fact that he could not tell me about his "Before Jesus" days. My DH didn't come to the Lord until he was 32 years old so there was a bit of past deeds that were done the 'world's way'. He didn't want those past decisions to cause me to respect him less or see him in a different light. After all, since asking the Lord into his heart he was now a new creation, what is the point in dwelling in the past? At the time he was unaware of the verse in Hebrews that said it was difficult to bear this root alone. Due to the burden of hiding his past and the condemnation that it held over him, he was no longer able to maintain the burden. Instead it was coming out where he least wanted it to. Our mentor told him once he 'came clean' with everything and was able to speak freely about the past, there would no longer be a reason for this anger to reside in his heart and spill out on the people he loved most.

So when we got home that evening, he shared the burdens of his heart.

At the tender age of 15 my hubby conceived a child out of wedlock, with his girlfriend. It was shortly after the death of his father that this occurred where he was grieving and 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. Once her family found out she was pregnant they didn't tell anyone. One day she was 'sent away'. My hubby's best friend, her brother, wouldn't tell him anything about where she went or how she was doing. She and her family decided that the best thing for them to do would be to send her to a unwed mothers home during her pregnancy, so the child could be placed up for adoption. Due to the circumstances, this was tremendously wise. My hubby was informed of what had taken place when she returned to her home after being gone for 9 months. After a while, the nagging uncertainty subsided into buried guilt/shame.

OK, here is where I come off as the totally understanding wife! NOT! I don't 'beat around the bush' really well........ After finding this out, I remember uncontrollably blurting out certain questions in a kind and loving not so delicate fashion:
*How could you have a kid out there and NOT know where she is?
*Do you want to know if she is OK?
*Do you think she may want to know WHY she was placed for adoption?
*She needs to know her medical history!
*Have you ever thought about trying to locate her?

Such a compassionate response, I know. Maybe you are able to handle mysterious biological children better than I, OR possibly you do not have the same foot in mouth disease I do? ;o) While these were all things he had considered, in order to seek out the answers, you must prayerfully ask the Lord if this was something He wanted for all those involved. John was conflicted....... His heart and DNA cried out for answers, but there is an also that underlying guilt/condemnation when satan whispers in your ear 'YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW'. Although his birth daughter was very much an adult now and he had wanted to locate her, making yourself available to be found came with so many unknowns.
How would this effect our family?
How do I explain to my kids that they have a sibling so much older than them?
What if this person has a horrible childhood because of me?
What if she hates me?
Will the truth be too painful a reality to re-live in order to find her?

Although many of these unknowns were paralyzing at times, he still wanted to find her. Even if it was to just let her know that when SHE was ready to chat, here was his information. Due to the complexity of an emotional roller coaster that this had caused in his life, I knew it would be hard for him to have the perseverance to find her. I asked him if I could do the searching for him and he agreed that this would be the best.


Long story short, we did find her parents in 2004 but it was right after Hurricane Charlie hit Florida. Her parent home was hit rather hard so they had been staying at a hotel while it was being repaired. Once they did receive John's letter, she e-mailed us first. Then they spoke over the phone. A couple years would pass before we got the opportunity to meet her face to face. If you haven't already, you can read about that here with It all started with a simple vacation.

Contemplating adoption when you have been on the other side of the spectrum (a birth parent), can be irreconcilable without God's healing power of redemption. Satan's lies would tell you that your life before Christ, disqualifies you from being on the blessing/receiving end of adoption. It wasn't till after this battle with his prior adoption story that he could even consider being blessed by adopting someone else's child. To Be Continued.......

Why Adoption? Part 1

Those of you that know us well, know that we have a heart for adoption. This was not always the case for us. Since we are embarking on the road to adoption I figured it may be helpful to share the reason how and why we came to have this passion.

No where in the bible does it say, "If you follow me and obey my instructions, everything will go PERFECT." Instead it says.....

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I Samuel 15:22 ......."Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king."

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

1 Peter 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In God's great mercy he has caused us to be born again into a living hope, because Jesus Christ rose from the dead.4 Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty, are kept in heaven for you.5 God's power protects you through your faith until salvation is shown to you at the end of time.6 This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad.7 These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you.

On the premise, as Christians, we are not to expect the 'perfect life', this is where our journey begins.
I can remember a time when Benjamen was just a couple months old when my dear husband brought up a very touchy subject with me. He told me it was time for him to have a Vasectomy. While he was no where near demanding my consent, he was pleading for my agreement.
Please understand, this wasn't just your 'typical' reason for being done. We had always talked about having a large family. While 3 kids under the age of 5 was stressful at times, I knew that God had a plan in mind for us! Usually the reasons people are 'done' having children usually fall into one of these categories:
~ "I can't handle any more kids"
~ "__ is enough"
~ "We have __ girl(s) and ___ boy(s) so now we can be done"
~ I want to be done with kids by the time I am ____ so I can enjoy my life again.

However, these were not our reasons....... His request was based with one purpose in mind. Preserving the safety of myself and our children. While my first pregnancy was rather normal, the last 2 had almost killed me. It was the providence of God that our children were born without some sort of birth defect. When you have a grand mal seizure while pregnant, the moms body cuts off the oxygen supply to the umbilical cord for the length of the seizure. Due to the deprivation of oxygen to the baby's brain and due to a flood of anti-convulsant medications that purged through their small bodies, we are very blessed that they didn't suffer serious injury.
Over the course of these years, my husband watched the healthy woman he married, just 4 1/2 years prior to this, become very sick. With each pregnancy, the hormones made a mild seizure disorder (petit mal) into something unable to be tamed even by the strongest medications. We used to have fair warning (aura) when the seizures were mild but now there was no warning at all. They continued to be longer in duration and more violent. The doctors warned, if we had any more children, the possibility of death or comma for me was probable.
Although I had all this information, the plans for a large family were dying and I didn't want to accept it. My hubby's intentions to protect the children we did have and give my body the ability to recover, didn't seem to sooth the permanence of co-erced infertility.
After all, I used to be the women who once thought she was going to "have it all"......... a career and 2.5 well adjusted children. I gave up the illusion of the American dream because God knows it would have destroyed me to chose this earthly fulfillment. INSTEAD, what gave me the most joy was being so blessed to bring children into this world and teach them about the Lord! To raise up world changers!

I went into my room to have a quiet time and PLEAD my case to the Lord. Through tears I began begging the Lord to change HIS heart. To heal me and allow us to have more children. Once my agenda was out there, the Lord began to soften my heart so that He could share His. Many tears were shed that day as I heard His still small voice mention the following subjects.......
Submission, Obedience, Sacrifice, Barren, Joy, Idolatry, Consequences of Disobedience, Fruitful, Hope......... and finally ADOPTION. As my heart strained to hear the painful words of conviction, it also clung to the hope of adoption. My heart and eyes welled up with tears as I shared these words the Lord had given me with my husband. Although I prayed for God to change his heart the one whose heart was changed was my own.
When a man is allowed the ability to truly LEAD his family, it is always a good thing that is pleasing to the Lord.
Grateful that I had chosen to agree with my his request, my hubby too agreed to the 'new plan' to complete our family. He, however, had no idea what this new plan meant for his future. Quite a few years would pass without uttering a word about adoption until it was brought up at a time out of context. To be continued.....

The Best Nest

I have been pondering something God has been showing me for quite a while now since our move. It is lesson that aches with conviction and sometimes even a bit of condemnation. However, since it was recently brought to my attention through a visual aide I figured I could now put words into pictures.

Many of the plants that are around our home havn't been maintained over the years. One of which, if not trimmed, turns into a huge, thorny, creeping mess. The bush was so overgrown and full of dead branches that, as you can see, it was leaning sideways. While it still flowered a small bit, the leaves began spotting and turning yellow so I asked a landscaper at church what to do with it. She recommended it probably needed a good trimming back. So as I took to the task of pruning the thorn-ridden monstrosity, eh hemm........ I mean Beautiful Bougainvillea, the Lord began showing me a bit of a picture as I peeled back the layers. In the course of pulling out the dead parts and cutting away at the massive overgrowth, I found something rather unexpected.

Here are 2 of the 3 empty bird nests that were located within the confines of the bush. I am sure they served their purpose in the time they were in use, however, the overgrowth was so bad that there became a point that these were stuck in the mass of thorny branches. If you will notice, they are so ornate and very sturdy to hold up in the harsh rains and winds here in Florida. Their placement in the bush and sturdy construction reminded me of our network of believers we left behind in WA state. When you are privileged with such an amazing support system, it is hard to see how this could ever be detrimental to your walk with God. However, these wonderful Christian people can become your standard of what Jesus has called you to. While you think that you are fully reliant on the Lord, following His will in everything because you have the support of your closest network......... they are not the standard, Jesus is. Just like me, they too are human with failures and frailties. Don't we tend to gravitate to those that tend to share the same liberties as we chose to LOVE and sometimes even hang out with people that have the same failings as ours so we can bond over fruitless living.

We can remain in ignorance together while condoning each others desire for unholiness while in the end our roots begin to surface and leaves turn a bit yellow from lack of nourishment. Much like I did with that plant, when the Lord removed us from our home, He pruned away the comfort & security of our nest. We really had no idea of why He was choosing to do this, however, I can see part of it was that we needed to check our roots. We had the ideal situation back home. Family close by, great friends/fellowship, job security, great church leadership, unwavering biblical teaching, a core group of people that really KNEW us intimately, people who we could count on if we ever needed anything at all. With all these wonderful things in place, unknowingly, our roots began to surface. Although we may not have realized it, God saw our leaves begin to turn yellow and wrinkle due to lack of HIM filling our needs rather than the security of friends, family & church.

Moving to Florida has been eye-opening in many areas. The most important honest evaluation though has been how shallow our roots were. That once all of our securities were stripped away, we were tested to see if we truely believed that Jesus really IS ENOUGH. We are called to have deep roots in the Lord so that when the fires of life rage with avengence, we can look to the one who has His hand on the thermostat. How often, when the fires raged, we were quickly able to call a reliable Christian friend, rather than seeking out the counsel of the one who made us. How easy it was in a time of trouble to solve the immediate problem through our network of people who loved and cared for us rather than call out to the One who made us and has an awesome plan for our lives. Logically, for a "mature believer" it is DUMB to do this on a continual basis when you realize that the maker of the Universe has our best interest at heart. Yet we are lazy, lonely people that simply rely on what is tangible for the RIGHT NOW when Jesus still small voice beckons to be enough for us. Seeking the voice that calmed the raging sea, raised the dead and who speaks life into these dry bones is the only way that our roots remain deeply grounded into the rich fertile soil, while all else is secondary. The bait of Satan is to get our focus looking to others as our standard, when Christ wants our eyes fixed on Him and His word for direction.

Not sure if this is you? Here is a possible self-check to do with the Lord.



When something horrible or amazing happens what is your first instinct?



When you need some guidance on ANY subject do you go to the Lord first or gather all the necessary information before consulting the Lord?



Is God more of your butler up in heaven? A means to an end only necessary when you need some answers, or some extra UMPH to get through the day OR is His whisper presently recognizable in every aspect of your life?



Most importantly, if you are still certain this doesn't at all apply to you, the Lord knows! Ask Him to search your heart and He will be faithful to point out any areas that are whithering. Maybe no one around you can 'see' your malnourishment, but be certain that God is just waiting to be enough.

We made it!

I wanted to share just a few thoughts to express how incredibly thankful that today, my hubby and I celebrate 12 years as husband and wife. I must admit that there were many times during those years that I wondered if we would make it. Often in our marriage, I wondered if we would join the very unfortunate statistics of divorce within the church. Neither of us, ever had biblical reason for divorce..... Apathy, self-reliance and selfishness are choices, yet for many years we had a marriage that could be labeled "Failure to Thrive". Reason being might be summed up in a inability to accept and apply these WISE quotes.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Robert Quillen

I don't believe couples fall out of love - they fall out of repentance.
Gary Thomas

Forgiveness is the only way to break the cycle of blame--and pain--in a relationship...It does not settle all questions of blame and justice and fairness...But it does allow relationships to start over. In that way, said Solzhenitsyn, we differ from all animals. It is not our capacity to think that makes us different, but our capacity to repent, and to forgive.
Philip Yancey

Looking back on those years of wasted co-existence, I realized one rather disheartening fact:
During those years of 'doing time' in my marriage, Satan spent more time/effort trying to sabatoge my marriage than I spent fighting for it and investing in it.

When it came down to the "Last stand" so to speak, we made an appointment to see our pastor. As we went on to explained how both of us are tired of being hurt, both fed up with the other, each pointing fingers, spewing hurtful words and proclaiming in all the ugliness of pride and unforgiveness "I do not deserve THIS!" Our pastor stopped us short and without us even realizing at the time, shared with us the secret to a happy marriage. While the dream of a happy marriage died alongside our ability to forgive quite a while back, here was someone sitting in front of us that was not going to allow Satan to steal kill and destroy one more marriage. Someone willing to fight harder for our marriage's weakened and thready pulse, that either of us were. He did so by simply asking one very LOADED question.
"Given the fact that ALL you have been entrusted with is because of God and the very fact that you are breathing right now, is a result of God sending His son to die on a cross for you, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DESERVE?"
Both of us, with heads hanging low and eyes fixed on the floor in shame, answered much like a child..... "Nu-thing"
It didn't end there though..... further explaination chewing-out was necessary to turn our shame & self-sorrow into God-centered repentance.
"The penalty for sin is death and both of you are deciding to live in sin due to a lack of repentance! What you deserve is death, so everything on top of DEATH is a cake walk....... a gift from the Lord. In order for a person to really LIVE, the flesh MUST die. Stay where you are in your stench of pride, self-will and arrogance and this will be the legacy of your failed marriage that you will pass on to your children..... OR you can make a choice today to crucify your flesh and breath NEW life into your marriage!"

The proof that you love someone is not that you have warm affectionate feelings toward them. The proof is in your actions, your words and your sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return.
Katherine Walden

Praise God for people who have the courage to hiold you accountable to God's word! For people who will fight fervently & prayerfully on your behalf when you are too foolish to do so yourself! So thus began a new chapter in our marriage. No more co-existing together but clinging to each other while choosing death so that we may grow and have an abundant marriage. While we are in no way perfect, our relationship only grows deeper and gets better with time. When we both have our eyes fixed on the Lord, everything else falls into place! We are learning together, year after year, how to better die as individuals.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
Peter Devries

Many of you who know my hubby can laugh at this as he is quite the character. I thought he was a one of a kind till I met Sarah. Now that I see Sarah's 'twin' (Abby) develop more of his personality, I am almost out-numbered! So glad that the Lord is able to use characters like us to point others to the Lord.

Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.
Matthew Henry

This last quote is very poinant to me. John has never been an overbearing man even though he married a fairly head strong woman. Once God allowed me to see the protection provided me through submission, it is a much easier road. Although my flesh likes to tempt me to be equal or above him, the result is acheiving such a status, is loneliness. It is a pursuit of individualism rather than a partnership of cohesion. God has genuinely given me a man that has stood the test of time. I thank the Lord that He has seen us through these past 12 years. I pray that if the Lord tarries, we have many more years of growing more in love with one another as we actively seek to pursue all that the Lord has in store for us! Many Blessings & Hugs my friends!